DARING 2 B U
DARING 2 B U
EMPOWERED 2 BE WITH DR. TAM
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Ever found yourself questioning your worth amidst the constant hum of social media and society's expectations? Dr. Tam joins us to illuminate the journey to self-discovery and empowerment, particularly for African-American women navigating a path through God's Word to reclaim their identity. Her enlightening conversation pierces the veil of representation, urging all women to rise above mediocrity and seek transparency and healing. Together, we confront the perils of losing oneself, the strength found in mentoring, and the courage to peel back the layers to find one's true self, grounded in divine perspective.
Wrestling with beauty standards and self-worth has become a common narrative, but our dialogue with Dr. Tam aims to rewrite that tale. As we share and dissect the toxic cycle of self-deception fueled by online personas, we uncover the urgency of rooting our sense of self in spiritual truths rather than external validation. Dr. Tam sheds light on the profound impact of mentoring across generations, championing a breakthrough from the debilitating expectations society places on women's shoulders. It's a chapter of introspection and realignment, where our worth isn't quantified by followers or filters but by an unshakeable spiritual understanding.
Our discussion takes a turn towards the resilience required to stay the course. Dr. Tam and I open up about the strategies that keep us anchored amidst the challenges, including the power of biblically-based affirmations and recognizing personal accomplishments. We explore the transformative mindset shifts that occur when we reframe failure as a new opportunity, underscoring the importance of nurturing our inner self and allowing space for learning and restitution. It's a celebration of the realizations that drive us forward, empowering us to align with our divine purpose and affirming that our value extends far beyond the transient opinions of the world.
Empowering Women Through Self-Discovery
Speaker 1Welcome to Daring to Be . We are discussing today all of the ways that we can empower one another , ways that we can check in with one another , make sure that we're okay , and ways that we can overcome obstacles , ways that we can chart a better course for our lives , because , if we look around , there's always so many different ways that people are doing different things and some of them work for others but they may not work for us . So we're looking at today real up , close and personal ways to empower , ways to level up our lives , and we have with us the beautiful , the brilliant , dr Tam , and she is coming with the truth , and so welcome , dr Tam , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you for having me . It is truly an honor to be here . I thank you for this opportunity . I thank you for allowing me to share this space with you and you taking the time to sit down with me so we can actually get into this . We're talking about empowerment , and that is that's my jam , yeah , and I know that it's your goal to always empower women and help them to not only practice self care and soul care , but to begin to see themselves through the lens of God's Word and through the lens of the way that God sees them . So share with us how this became your passion work and why is it your passion work this actually ? Well , my passion work itself . It is just as you said , empowering African-American women to discover their true self-worth according to who God says that they are .
Speaker 1I know that , like for me and many others for years , we're kind of just wandering through life aimlessly . We're operating out of places of like , representation , mediocrity , because we simply don't know who we are . And when you don't know who you are , you're lost . You find yourself doing things that you know you ain't got no business doing . You with people you know you ain't got no business being with you in places you know you ain't got no business being there . So you find yourself just truly lost and kind of just like wandering through life . And so it actually took an experience for me and this is part of my why it took an experience for me approximately three and a half four years ago and I was engaged to be married . Then I wasn't engaged to be married and then , after the , my ex-fiance had decided to cancel the wedding .
Speaker 1At that time I found myself doing things , saying things , behaving in ways that was not me , it was very toxic , it was very detrimental to me , and so I finally got to a place . Literally one morning I woke up and I looked to the mirror and I was like who are you and what in the world ? I was out of control . On the outside it looked like I had everything going on , but I was a mess on the inside , an absolute mess , and that's when I reached out for help .
Speaker 1And so it has been through my process , things that I've gone through . It has been peeling back some layers . It has been discovering things about myself that I didn't even realize why I was behaving , some of the ways that I was and I'm just like wow . And through this process is where I then discovered my purpose , and that was I don't want any other woman or other women to have to experience that . When I said uncovering , we're going back to childhood , looking at things like deep roots of things , and so here I am at 49 . And now , within the past , like I said , four years or so just really discovering who I am , and I'm like man all that time , all those years . And so it is my purpose , it is now my work to empower other women that they don't have to be out there wondering so long that they can truly find out who they are . They can truly discover their worth and their value according to who God says that we are . Oh , I love that .
Speaker 1It made me think of a quote from one of my mentors on the far , and she said when we don't know who we are , we begin to co-promise , compromise whole parts of us , and we do that with people in places and things that should not be a part of ourselves . So we connect ourselves to these things , to these people , and we co-promise and we switch up based on the room we're in or the person we're with or the preferences of the person that we're with . And well , that's what this is for . Yeah , that's those representations showing up , because it's not the true . I think it's not us . It's a representation of us . Looks like us , perhaps right , but the way you're speaking , the way you're behaving , the way you're acting , none of that is the true us . So I get that . Oh , that's good . Yeah , I like that . Yeah , yeah , I just and the way you described it , that's so real , that's so real .
Speaker 1And to look back now , knowing who you are and where you've been . When you look back now you don't look back with a sense of shame , but you look back saying what in the world was , I think , like I knew I didn't belong there . I didn't even fit that narrative Right , so I love that you talked about it . Thank you for being so transparent , absolutely so transparent . That's a really good point .
Speaker 1I want to just really quickly just to hone in on that , because I know that there are a lot of women who , when you spoke , when you said the word shame yes , there are a lot of us who are wearing that shame because of the state that we are in , that state of not knowing who we truly are . You're defining yourself by your experiences . You're defining yourself by the people that we are around and you are ashamed of that and you feel like , well , this is just going to be it , like this is who I am and no , it's not . You don't have to be ashamed of those experiences , those experiences . Hopefully , once we get to that other side of healing , we're able to look back and be like , oh , that was a lesson . Oh , that was a lesson . You're able to take things away from those experiences , and the one thing you will not take away from those is the shame . There's nothing to be ashamed of . Yes , yes , I love that .
Speaker 1I think it's important to talk about that word , unpack that word a little bit , because even as people begin to kind of start doing the work , I think one of the things that we don't always take into account is the weightiness and the bondage that comes with shame and makes people feel like they have to continue to be trapped and there's no space , there's no room to move from the place where they are . But even the scripture says , when Jesus was talking to Peter and telling him listen , I know you love me and all of that . I know you think that you are my ride or die forever and you will never mess this thing up . But Jesus told them listen , you're going to mess up , you're going to mess up , but listen , when thou art converted , strengthen the brethren . So just telling them listen , you're going to mess up , you're going to fail , you're going to falter , all of that . But once you have been restored , once you are converted in your thought process , in your heart , in the way that you view life , in your perspective , and once you know that , you know , strengthen those who are dealing with the same struggle . That you dealt with is essentially what he was telling him . So this is God's work that you're doing , absolutely , absolutely . Yeah , it's almost .
Speaker 1It's that thing that when I'm laying in the bed at midnight and I can't fall asleep , it's that thing that I'm thinking about , it's that thing that crosses my mind first thing in the morning , because I remember that place all too well and I remember the state , I remember the feelings , I remember feeling lost and just under a weight , almost like a weight of shame . And so one thing and we may speak of this a little bit later as well the one thing that really helped me I had people around me who knew me and who could see the true me , the real me , when I didn't even know myself . Yes , that was important . I had those people who were trying to reel me in , trying to get me out of those places . Literally , people ask me what you doing ? This ain't you ? Yeah , and so it is important to , because we can get so low , so low and so just weighted down with that the shame and like I can't break through this . I can't get out of this dark place . That can't happen . But having the people around us , who's willing to be honest with us , enough to say I got you Come on , let's get out of this . That was super important for me during this time to make sure that I had people like that around me . Yeah , that's that . You said a whole word .
Speaker 1Because I think it's important for us to recognize that who we surround ourselves with really matters , and you need people around you . We need people around us who will not condemn us but correct us right , that will walk with us , walk us through , pray us through , and who know and understand that a gentle answer turns away right . You know you can't fuss me or judge into right , right , right , oh , but sharing with someone and walking with them through that process is what helps people turn the corner . And you know , having been there in that space before and not having people who understood and could see past the circumstances of where I was , I understand what it means to live under the weight of that shame and the condemnation of words spoken over your life for decades , decades to come out of that way of thinking . And so share with us what , what are some of the challenges or greatest barriers to people advancing that use that you've seen in your target audience , with my , with my clients , with my , with family members , with close friends just in conversation .
Speaker 1The number one barrier to advancement is us . It's ourselves . Not to say that there are not other things that may keep us from from advancing , like if you're going for a promotion or something like that . There may be some other factors there , but across the board , I would definitely say it's us , and that is lack of self awareness . It is because we do not know who we are and again , I know that that that sounds like , oh well , she just , she just spoke about that I did , and because the emphasis , the emphasis is on that . That is that's the floor , that's the foundation . Let's know who we truly are , according to God's word .
Speaker 1And so I know for me , you know , trying to to advance , when I was , when I was in education , trying to advance and move up , moving up the ladder , I had all the skills , I had the experiences , I had the competency , I was , I was doing it , I was making the moves , I was doing everything that I thought to do . And I'm doing all of these things . But the one thing I wasn't doing was checking myself and , unfortunately , at that time I had people around me who were like , oh well , you should do this , you should do this , you should do this , but there wasn't that one person to pull me to the side and be like have you thought about why do you think that way , why do you behave that way ? And so it took me getting to a place of realizing wait a minute , in all these situations , I'm the common denominator , and it was like a light bulb that went off . It was my lack of self awareness . I'm operating , look like a powerhouse from the outside , but I did not have a true understanding of my self work . From the outside , I looked very confident . I can walk into any . I can walk into any room . I can hold my head up high . I knew all the right things to say . I can do all that . I was very confident , very confident , but I liked self worth and that was that . That was the foundation that was missing .
Speaker 1I recently listened to a podcast and Jamie Kaye Lima was being interviewed about her new book , worthy , and she says that our self worth is the ceiling to our goals , our dreams , our businesses , our relationships . We become what we believe we are worth . Yes , that is so good . Our worth stands on who , on the truth , and that truth . That is the word of God . That's who we are . Who does he say we are , instead of out here looking at social media trying to figure it out , listening out , you know , looking to culture , listening to this group of friends over here , this group of friends , friends over here , what's the truth ? Who does God work ? Say that I truly am . And starting from there , because that is where my that's my self worth , right there , absolutely , that's who I am , and actually operating from that place of understanding that that's so good , that's so rich , I think about how I was at .
Speaker 1I was a vendor at a new event , a women's post , and listen , you know people , you know augmenting their bodies , you know implants or whatever . You know . I'm not condemning people for doing , but what I am saying is I was so saddened like it means to me deep within when I'm sitting there , I'm networking , talking with other sisters yeah right , it's so . There were , in a matter of an hour time span , every female that came to speak with me at my table had some sort of augmentation . Wow , it was obvious , because I guess they couldn't afford to go to a really great plastic surgeon , so they probably crossed the border somewhere or to someone who would do it at a great discount or allow them to make some sort of payment plans or something like that .
Challenging Beauty Standards and Self-Worth
Speaker 1I did it people not having an abundance of wealth I do understand that , but that we are of the mindset that we have to get it done immediately so that we can look the part , so that we can gain the followers on social media , so that we can somehow scale our platform or just be able to look in the mirror and think we look as good as the next person . So it was just so disheartening , it almost brought me to tears because they kept coming . They kept coming and a lot of them were saying have you considered ? So they were trying to tell me how to make improvements physically . Really . Yeah , because some of them were so confident in the work that they had had done , but not realizing that if I can look at you and see that you've had that work done , then that must mean that either you don't recognize it or you don't realize you're walking in a persona that isn't even really you , because if I can see that something isn't done appropriately and I'm not a medical professional then that means that you can probably see it as well , and so that means that there's a very deep level of self deception there and lack of self awareness .
Speaker 1It was just really disheartening for me to see that , because these were people who were like you're a beautiful person , you don't need to do all of that , even aesthetically , like you were beautiful before then , some of them I was familiar with , but you were already beautiful and so but it goes back to what you were saying a few minutes ago it's how we see ourselves . It's that becomes truth for us . If we're not in God's word , if we're not aware of what God says about who we are , don't embrace that , then our truth becomes whatever it is that we tell ourselves or whatever others have told us when we operate from that place that we're seeking a truth . I mean , it's already there , it's already there , but yet we are looking in other places to find our truth . When we continue to do that , this kind of goes back to what I was saying in the very beginning like that we're lost and just kind of wandering aimlessly . And that brings up so many what you just shared . That brings up so many very important things .
Speaker 1Number one that comparison syndrome . And actually just looking to , oh well , she looks like this and she has this many followers , then this is what I have to look like as well , and then you're jeopardizing . You end up jeopardizing your health and your well-being To look like this person over here herself , who's probably not has had augmentations , who's not the real deal , so to speak , so it just becomes . It's like it's sad . It really is very sad because so many of us we don't know . We don't have to go looking for the truth , it's already right there .
Speaker 1And so in my platform , that's what I want to do Spread the love , spread the wealth , just spread the knowledge of who . God truly says that we are operating from that place . I know that we I shared earlier my age and , having gone all these years out there just kind of doing whatever , being whoever except the true me I look now at yes , I work with middle-aged women who are in that place right now and trying to find themselves and discover their self-worth . But I also think about our young ladies coming up , the young ladies who are looking a lot , looking to social media because that's their world , who are listening to people to tell them like , oh well , you're this color , so you shouldn't wear this or you should look like this or you should behave like this , just those types of things and so then it becomes these cycles . But even our young ladies coming up are . They're experiencing that as well and so , hopefully , raising up and helping and supporting and healing this generation is going to help to reach back and to heal our upcoming generations and empower them , to help them realize who they are and so they don't get middle-aged , you know , and start finding out who they truly are . Yes , I think that's really important
Staying Motivated and Overcoming Fear
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1I believe that If we continue the work that we may never personally get to see the vast impact , but I do believe in recognizing that planting seeds , they're fruit and that God will create the increase . We've got great work to do and it's a lot of work to do , but it's also a labor of love to see somebody come into the understanding of who they are . Kudos to you and the work that you are doing , and I absolutely love doing this work . I've been at it for a long time but I realized that even in becoming more free and more knowledgeable myself , that creates a greater longing to do more of the work , a greater sense of satisfaction in knowing that you are right , smack dead in the middle of God's will for your life , doing what he has purposed you to do . That is great . Right that , right there , that what you just described . That is fulfillment yes , it is the way you say motivated in doing this type of work because it's fulfillment , but it's also challenging , it's hard work . It is and I'm going to share a little transparent moment with you . Today is Saturday . We're recording this .
Speaker 1I believe it was on Thursday . I woke up Thursday morning and I'm just like I'm not feeling this and I'm tired . I need a break , I need to rest , because I know that really , for the past three months , I've been going hard and just doing all the things to build this platform number one , and so doing all the things and putting in the work , and I was just really tired . And we can ooh . When we lose focus , when we lose sight of what we're supposed to be doing and just which is God's what he has purposed us to do , then we do become distracted and we lose motivation . And so , even though , yes , I was tired , I grabbed my phone and I started looking at my numbers on Instagram and I'm like , lord , now you sure I'm supposed to be doing this , because these numbers now I'm being honest with you these numbers , you got to stop that . Don't do that to yourself . You have to stop that , because the numbers , just like this , ain't working , like I'm not . I know that I believe this is what I'm doing , but I don't see the impact in the number . And that's what I was looking at . I was looking at the numbers . Now , I've been taught numbers don't lie , but I'ma say this them numbers was lying to me Because I believe it . I know in my heart that this is the work that God has called me to do .
Speaker 1So one way that I stay motivated , stay off of social media as much . Stay off of social media Absolutely . But something else that I do to help me to stay motivated is I do my daily affirmations , and my affirmations are biblical based affirmations . Yes , I speak life over myself every single day . It's not just a morning routine thing . I have them popping up on my phone as little reminders . They literally a timer will go off . It'll pop up on my phone and I read it . There is my affirmation , so those are throughout the day , right . So affirmations is one thing that I use to help me to stay motivated .
Speaker 1Also , what I do to help me to stay motivated is I have made a list of my accomplishments . I have made a list of my wins , and I think it was you , Dr Henry , the other night on Elevate Academy , who mentioned looking back at your resume . Yes , when you look back at your resume , you're like I did that . Oh , I did that , that's right , all these great things , right , that you , that's inside of you . You're like I did that , yes . So what I have done is I have done that as well , but I have a big list over here on my wall , yes , and I've written out some of my accomplishments . One of my proudest accomplishments , most recent accomplishments , is actually earning my doctorate degree .
Speaker 1Now , of course , that one's going to be up there , but to help me to stay motivated , I have not only written down my accomplishments . I have written down the things that I have learned . I transitioned from education over to coaching . I was coaching then , but it's a different platform , a whole different world . Yes , I have written down .
Speaker 1Since I have been doing this in these past few months , I've written down those things that I have learned how to do , new skills that I have gained , and so when I have those moments when I'm not as motivated , I can look at that list , I can save my affirmations , and I was like you know what ? All of that right there that I'm reading , that's inside of me . I can do this , I was called to do this , okay , and you pick yourself up and you get back on the horse and you continue to push , and it is a day by day thing , because we will constantly have distractions . Yes , there will be opportunities for us to lose focus . So these are some of the things that I do to kind of help me to stay motivated and to kind of keep my eyes focused , keep my attention on doing what I am supposed to do , and I'm trusting and I'm believe God if this is what you have called me to do .
Speaker 1I know it's already worked out . Yes , that's what those numbers are saying right now , but I know everything has already worked out and that my message , what I am sharing and what I am able to do to help other women , it's going to get to the right people . It's going to fall . It is going to fall , it is going to penetrate the heart of the right woman and she's going to step up and say you know what that's me , you know what I need your help and I'm like , okay , come on , let's do it . Yeah , let's do it . That's it , and I'm glad you said that and I'm glad that you mentioned that your affirmations are founded in God . Oh yes , oh yes .
Speaker 1I love that because a lot of people feel like , well , if I just say something positive , that may work . I'm not saying that it won't , it may work , but for me it has to be founded in something that is far greater than just me , absolutely , absolutely , absolutely . It has to be something that is founded in someone who is far greater than me , far greater than any circumstances that I'm going to face any hardships , because , listen , life is going life , Mm-hmm , life is going to life and there are a series of unfortunate events and life issues and even things from our past that can sometimes get in the way . So thank you so much for sharing that Absolutely , absolutely . How can somebody overcome the fear of failure and begin to take risk ? How do you coach people into overcoming that fear of failure and taking risk ?
Speaker 1I think that if we start with our self-awareness , if we start with identifying who we truly are , that's going to be foundational , and we've said that , yes , that's the truth and that's God's word . Who God says that we are . Those things are going to happen . That would kind of knock us off a little bit and there will be experiences where you may like , man , I failed or I really bombed it . You know , I'm not going to do that anymore . You know what ? I'm not any good . I didn't make it this time . And so you , because of that negative experience , what you are now doing is adopting that and you're placing that upon yourself and you are considering yourself to be a failure . But that contradicts God's word . We're not failures .
Speaker 1A long time ago and I cannot remember where I had heard this , but I heard someone give an acronym for the word fail . Fail stands for first attempt in learning . Yes , yes , I was like wow , first attempt in learning . So if we can take those experiences where you may think you failed , instead , if you take that and we begin to shift our mind to no longer looking at that as a failure but to see that as a learning opportunity , I think it's going to help us , to number one , identify okay . So what really happened during the situation ? What is this experience telling me ? What are the facts of this situation ? What can I learn ? What can I take away from this experience ? And I'll give you a really quick . I'll give you an example .
Speaker 1A few years ago I was one of the top two for a top two . Candidates for a principal shift at a neighboring school district Went in . I was like , yes , I got this , motivated , great confidence and I knew who I was right . And so I went into that , knocked them dead , had an interview with the . Then the second round of interviews I met with a superintendent , and that's when I was one of the top two . Afterwards I did not get that principal shift . Now I was very disappointed , but I didn't beat myself up and calm myself of failure . So I was able to gain a little bit more information . So I gathered some facts . The other candidate and I we were like neck and neck great skillset , great levels of experience . The one determining factor and he told me this , the superintendent the one determining factor was that the other candidate had been in the district for like 15 years . She had paid her dues right and so school was starting in a week and a half . For me to come into that situation that would have been warp speed learning , because it was a new district for me , a new school . It was a whole lot of new during that time . So they went with her and I completely understood that . And sometimes , if we , in those situations where we feel like we have failed or that we're not good enough , if we just stop , we take a moment to kind of assess the situation a little bit , gather some facts , because , like , we were neck and neck , you know , her experience just happened to be there in that district and mine was not . That was the only difference , yeah , and so I walked away from that , knowing that I could have very easily been like just forget it , I'm not gonna do , I'm not even gonna try anymore .
Mindset and Self-Care After Failure
Speaker 1I ask questions . I ask questions Well , why ? You know , plain and simple . Well , why didn't you pick me and he was able to share that with me ? Now , I didn't talk to the man like that , but he was able to share that with me . So I ask questions .
Speaker 1Shifting our minds that is super important . Yes , now , our minds are constantly , you know , constantly thinking and gathering information . It is very easy for us to look at a situation and be like , oh , that's a negative experience . But instead of looking at it that way , let's look at it as though , okay , what can I learn from this experience ? So , that's kind of like a shift of our mind . That's where it's gonna start , right there , just being able to shift our minds . So when we ask , when you ask , how do we keep ourselves going and not feel as though we are failures , it's going to start with our mindset . Yes , and that foundation , again , that's gonna know who we are and who's we are . That's always gonna be our foundation . Yes , I love it .
Speaker 1The mindset work . The mindset work is key . That's what I hear you saying . That it starts there . It starts with God first . Then we put in the work , learning who we are according to who God says we are Absolutely , and we're embracing that . Embracing that . And also , we have to do tune ups along the way . We have a car right , you don't just drive the car and drive the car . And drive the car Like we get our vehicle service to make sure that we continue to run smoothly .
Speaker 1Maintenance , yes , we have to do that with ourselves in our lives and I think that sometimes because we are nurturers of other people , sometimes because we are about getting it done and , let's be honest , we got to secure the bag , we got to make it happen Like , if you don't make it happen , exactly , that's a problem . So , with doing all of that , how would you advise somebody to care for themselves and to be able to make sure that they don't get caught up in just showing up for everybody else and that they're able to show up for themselves . How would you advise them ? You know , we are with ourselves as much as we are , probably more than we are , with other people . We have to get to know who we are and I think that once we discover our worth and learn to appreciate ourselves and value ourselves , then we will begin to continue to try to maintain that worth and that value .
Speaker 1So spending for me , spending quality time with me , is very important , and that is how I take care of myself . That is my self care , that is my love for myself . It may look like me taking myself out to dinner . It may look like me taking myself to lunch . It may look like going to get a nice facial or a massage , all of these things to pamper the outside , the external , so to speak . But that quality time also includes me nurturing and appreciating the inside of me , the values that I have in spending time with myself , spending time in God's word and continuously reminding and just speeding myself , reminding myself of who I am and learning his word , one of the scriptures that I often read over to myself and remind myself is that , God , open up my eyes so I see the wonderful things in your word . Lord , increase my understanding so that when I am learning your word , that I can hide your word in my heart and I can start walking that out , that I'm not being who everyone else wants me to be . I am being who you have truly called me to be . So my self care and my self love is knowing who I am appreciating , not only just the outside , the external me , but also the inside of me , and just nurturing that and even me reciting my daily affirmations . That is another way , excuse me that I continue to show myself love and appreciation . I love those and I like that you leave space for people to create that for themselves and cultivate ways to do that for themselves .
Speaker 1One of the things that is really disturbing is the whole cancel culture thing , and so I believe that it's a problem in a lot of ways , because it reinforces for people that they are not free to make mistakes , they are not free to have a failure , and so when people are of that mindset , it doesn't give space to regrouping , relearning , it doesn't leave space for restoration . So what would you say , for people who are trying to overcome and become more resilient after a failure , how can they work within themselves and reframe things ? Cause that's what we're talking about when we're talking about mindset shifting . How can they reframe things so that they recognize that they have another chance ? It's not the end of the world . Failure does not have to be final . How can they take some specific steps in order to get back on the right course ? Need to put this correction ? That's a really great question . Again , it's all about the mindset and looking at things through a new lens , reframing things .
Transformative Mindset Shift and Empowerment
Speaker 1Right now , I'm reading a book by Rachel Rogers entitled we Should All Be Millionaires . In this book , she talks about thought work . We're talking about shifting our mindset Number one . If you were in a place where you realize I know this isn't it , I know it has to be better If you were in a place where it's like I can do better , I congratulate you , because what you are now doing is you're beginning that shift . Congratulations If you were at number one in that space to where you're beginning to recognize this way of thinking is not getting it . It's not getting me what I want . It's not getting me to where I want to be Congratulations if you were in that place .
Speaker 1But in Rachel's book she talks about this thought work . Number one when those thoughts come up like negative thoughts , thoughts of being a failure , let's look at the facts of the situation . Number two , she says to ask where did that thought come from ? Why do I think that way ? Number three , she mentions for us to really think about how those thoughts make us feel . So when those kind of thoughts do come up , how does that make you feel ? Well , I feel like I'm a failure . Okay , now let's take that thought and reframe it . You know what ? I did not get that principle ship . I did not get that principle ship . But because I did not get that principle ship , I am still very competent . I am still very confident in my skill set . I am still qualified for that level of leadership .
Speaker 1So begin to reframe those thoughts . It's not just going to take one time . It's going to take us over and over and over and over , because for many of us we have to realize that all way of thinking . We've been thinking that way since early childhood , in some cases Early life experiences . So that's like 30 , 40 , sometimes 50 years of thinking this way . So just saying it to ourselves like one time . That's not going to override that . We have to continue to practice this behavior when those negative thoughts do come up , when you find yourself saying , oh , I'm a failure , stop , literally outlaw to yourself , say the words stop that , stop it . Let's look at the facts from that situation . Where did that thought come from ? How did that thought make you feel ? Reframe that thought and practice that new way of thinking , that new thought . You're going to continue to practice it over and over and over and over . Oh , that's good , that's good . And I love the way that you did that .
Speaker 1You spelled that out , because a lot of times we don't know how to , we don't know how to reframe , and what you described is actually a biblical principle as well . We take every thought captive , right , yeah , absolutely , and measure it against what the word of God says , the knowledge of Christ , and if it does not line up , we cast it down . We take on the thought that does line up . Yeah , one thing I'm making sure is that we share a mentor and one thing our mentor says all the time is when we are having those kind of thoughts and in reframing , you know the asking yourself the questions , just like you stated , is it true ? Questions , the things of that nature , but making sure that we're always locating where we are , always locating where we are in our thinking and not in just the direction we want to go , because there's always .
Speaker 1You know , stay on your grind , just keep on doing it . You know it is . And hustle , hustle , hustle , hustle . No , sometimes we need to stop hustling and stop and start thinking and reflection , because if I'm not aware , then I'll keep on continuing the same pattern and it doesn't matter how fast you run on a treadmill , you still gonna be in the same place . You got it . You got it .
Speaker 1Oh , my goodness , that was a great analogy . That was great . That was great , absolutely , absolutely . You got to stop that . Stop the treadmill , push that little red button , stop , yes , it , start it , start thinking , think about where , think about where you are , think about and when I say where you are , what is your state of mind ?
Speaker 1Because if you're listening , even if you're listening to external factors , and sometimes when you're even the internal factors , ourselves that intercritic , if you're listening to those things and it don't line up with the Word of God , who he says that we are , they are all lies , they are all lies . And , like I said before , sometimes we can get in situations . We can be so low in places and our thoughts even a lot of times , that it's hard for us to see out , and that's when you have to have the right people around you who can see you when you cannot see yourself . Let's see it . Let's see it . This has been great . Share with us , just from your heart , anything else you would like to share with us before we conclude today , because this has been amazing . I have really enjoyed this time . I have really enjoyed this time .
Speaker 1This is my passion work . So anytime I have an opportunity to sit down and talk about helping other women to discover who they truly are , discover their value and their worth according to the Word of God , I'm all for that , but absolutely , I will definitely share that . As an empowerment coach , that is my purpose to help as many women as possible to discover who they are . There's so many of us who are operating and representing everything but the Word of God , and so it is my purpose to help as many women as possible to discover who they are and so they can walk forward accordingly . But I would love the opportunity for other women to connect if you feel that you're in a space right now that you don't know , or you're kind of operating I'm like I know I should have done that , I know I should have seen that , I know I'll maybe fooling with these people Any of that or if you find yourself in a place where you're constantly trying to make these advancements , you're trying to move and to do all these things , but nothing seems to be working .
Speaker 1Let's have a conversation about you , so I invite no comment behind you . How can they find you ? Well , I am on Instagram , I am on Facebook . You can find me under Dr Tam T A M Foreman on Instagram and on Facebook , and so I welcome and really look forward to working with even more women so that we can get in these streets and dominate the way we're supposed to do . There's great works that lie ahead of us to do . We need some more on the team to get it done , and so I am here , I am signed up and ready to help as many women as possible .
Speaker 1Can we look forward to any projects ? Books , courses I'm just thinking that . I'm thinking that Books courses yes , absolutely , absolutely . Currently working on a book right now where I tell a little bit more about my story and I tell a little bit more about how I came into this place , of discovering my true worth , and so that's a project , absolutely , that I am working on . Actually , with the coaching services , I currently offer both one on one and group coaching services , but there is also a course , an online course , that's coming as well . I understand that we are all busy . I get it . You may not be able to sit down with me or share with a group those things are available to you , but the ease and the access of an online course will still help you to walk , take that transformational journey to discovering who you truly are . So , absolutely , yes , ma'am , there are a couple of projects in the works right now . I'm excited about those and can't wait for those things to be launched .
Speaker 1I'm speaking this into existence . This is my accountability , helping me stay on top of it by the end of this year , so by the end of 2024 , it shall be done , and it is so , and so , in other words , amen , yes , absolutely . We were putting it out there . It is happening , Absolutely . Thank you so much for sharing with us , sharing from your heart and your expertise . Thank you , sharing right out of your spirit , and so we just pray that God will continue to overflow and uses you mightily , increasing your income , influence , your impact . Thank you for being with us today . I know that means you bless the people who are watching and listening . We look forward to having you on to share with us when you're listening , so you'll definitely be back Absolutely Everyone for daring to be where we engage , educate , equip and empower so that others are able to show up for themselves Awesome and walk and live in purpose as God created . Thank you for watching . Join us again .