DARING 2 B U
DARING 2 B U
POWER FORWARD SINGLE MOMS EDITION: uKonventionally with Stephanie Reese
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When Stephanie Reese decided to weave her life experiences into the fabric of her fashion brand Unconventional, she stitched together more than just garments. Her tale is one of resilience and creativity, a single mother from Jacksonville using style as a conduit for empowerment and inclusivity. Stephanie's vibrant journey through motherhood, entrepreneurship, and her commitment to redefining beauty standards is not just a narrative; it's a revolution in the making, one that she graciously shares with Dr. Latisha Reeves Henry in this episode.
Stephanie's fashion designs aren't simply clothing; they're statements of self-acceptance and celebration of plus-size figures. As she recounts her evolution from using fashion as a shield to spotlighting plus-size beauty on the runway, her story resonates beyond aesthetics. It's a call to action for authenticity, a powerful reminder that true influence comes from embracing our unique paths. Stephanie's unwavering faith and deep desire to uplift others through her work shape not only her brand but also the lives of everyone she touches.
Navigating the fashion industry as a black woman and a single mother comes with its unique set of challenges, yet Stephanie's wisdom in these shared moments is a beacon of hope. Her insights on maintaining focus, drawing strength from spirituality, and the importance of personal presentation serve as invaluable advice for anyone navigating a creative career. As she reflects on the intertwining of spirituality and fashion, and the importance of personal presentation as a reflection of our community and heritage, Stephanie leaves us with a heartfelt gratitude for the connections that shape us—and with an invitation to stand firm in our individuality.
Stephanie Reese
Speaker 1I'm gonna give me some of this , right .
Speaker 2Welcome to Daring to Be . Whereas we already know , our goal each week , every time that we encounter you , is to engage , educate , equip and empower . And we're doing that today with the style Maven , the fashionista herself . She is extraordinary in the things that she sets her mind to do and you can see her flair , her flavor , anytime you see her . Stephanie Reese is in the building today . Welcome , welcome , welcome .
Speaker 1Miss .
Speaker 2Unconventional .
Speaker 1Yeah , hello , hello . Hello my sister , my friend . Thank you for having me in the building . She is , she is too .
Speaker 2Yes , she is yeah . And so tell us a little bit about what you do , who you are . Tell us a little bit about who is Stephanie Reese .
Speaker 1Well , I am a mother of one . His name is Colby , he's a grown son now , but that's my heart , heart , heart string . I am a native of Jacksonville , florida , born , raised , haven't been anywhere else other than traveling . I am , I would like to say I'm a popular loner . I love to be around people . I'm a people person , I am a people pleaser , and I'll explain that a little later . But in my most , my best time is really just one on one time , or like a very small , small , small , small circle , because you know , I mean my life surrounds provides , I hear and support to youth and young adults coming up now in 27 years , and so that line of work , that field of work , it's rewarding and it's also gut-wrenching sometimes . So sometimes I have to check out , like literally check out .
Speaker 1I have been working with youth and young adults in various settings and I wish I could say they've been good settings , but no , I kind of meet them in their trauma , meet them in their okay , what's next ? And you know I love the work that I do . I will continue to always do this work , and so that is my nine to five , but all of my other time , all of my free time , all of the time where it's not so much freedom I'm running almost on empty , is a passion work , hard work . That has been a baby of mine since probably middle school , and that is fashion , design and styling . Oh my God , that is like what gets me going , that gets me up . I love the work that I do for the community , but here lately , these past few years , it's been like okay driving force , and God has given me so many ideas , and so to be able to see them being executed or come to fruition , it's just been amazing these past few years . And my brand is unconventional and that's the name of it .
Speaker 1And it's just that if I look like you , if I do anything like you , if I do it in the box , I'm not going to be happy . So I always step out of the box , I don't even see the box , and that's kind of how my life has been . My entire life , even from work to play , I've just always been the type that I don't ever like to blend in . If society says do it this way , I purposely do it the other way because I just believe that , you know , I serve Jesus Christ on purpose and I do believe that in doing so I have a hand in how my life is supposed to go . I don't have the ultimate hand , but I feel like the decisions that I make , the way that I am , how that I , how I treat people , then it yields to okay , my life is going to go in a certain direction , and so with that I tie all of it into fashion , loving on people and trying to make people see themselves in a light that they might not have even even envisioned for themselves . It's always so rewarding when I hear my clients say never wore that , I don't know about that color , oh , that's too short .
Speaker 1And so that , to me , whenever we can get beyond that hurdle because a lot of those come from feeling a certain kind of way either you looked at somebody in that and you want to wear it and made you feel a certain kind of way , or you just have some internal esteem problems and concerns that you may not even ever address . And so I don't try to be the counselor , guru or anything like that . I just try to tell people listen , you are enough , don't worry about that . What you don't have , you have everything you need to pull this off , whether it be work , whether it be that dress you've been trying to wear for three , four years . Now you might have to slim down a little bit , but we'll talk about that later . But so that's me . That's me in a nutshell . I love people . I'm at a point in my life to where I've peopled a lot , and so I'm at a transitional point in my life to where I'm still people , but I'm the primary person . I'm more people , if that makes sense .
Speaker 2That makes it perfect . Yes , so tell us a little bit about you . Talked about being a single mom , so share with us what that journey has been like and obstacles you've had to overcome along the way .
Speaker 1Well , I became a mother at 21 . I was the type of mother that probably I don't know why that car passing by I don't know if you can hear that on my end , but I don't know if it was a dirt race going on outside my door I thought I was in the arena just now . My apologies , but for me I was one of those mothers who initially I thought I could still do everything that I was doing , meaning going out and having a good time , my version of a good time and just kind of like being some level of reckless . And so what made me kind of snap it , get it together , is before my son was even born , at four months , I began to dialy and so I was almost at three centimeters at four months and you know they keep you , if you know if anybody's watching or anything about childbirth , they keep you at four centimeters . And so it kind of brought me to .
Speaker 1You know , and I honestly tell people , from that time to now I looked at my whole life completely different . It really did not even matter at that point because I knew . Then I was like , oh my God , this is for real , for real . And they were telling me I mean , I was young , I didn't understand everything , and they were telling me and his father , like you know , we're going to have to stop your child from coming , and he said , but at the end of the day , you know , he could still come very early and he did .
Speaker 1He ended up coming I had to have surgery that same day . I was actually going to see what we were going to have and from that day will know you actually about to have your child and I was immediately rushed to have a surgery , a procedure that I had never heard of . I learned so much in about two days that it was just overwhelming and I'm like okay , I said then and I didn't have the relationship I had with Christ that I do now , but I still knew to pray , I still knew that he was going to see me through this now . Oh she , good and fortified . But then I didn't know . So I'm sure I said all kinds of scriptures wrong and I'll tell them what I said in that little bit because I needed to be by myself .
Speaker 1I told the son , I told his dad , I said you know what , just give me a minute . And I don't even remember how .
Speaker 1I said whatever I said , it permeated his heart and he was right then around with me and my son was delivered three months . I think it ended up still coming two months early , but it from that time to this one I knew that okay , like the song said , my life is not my own . It didn't matter what I needed , it didn't matter what desire I had . I was one of those mothers who my son was my life . He really truly was .
Speaker 1If that meant I need to change my job , I'm not struggling as long as we together , because it was not going to be any situation where he , somewhere here , wherever we're going to be , we're going to be together and we're going to lock in and we're listening . You're going to grow me up and I'm going to grow you up , and that's exactly what happened , and so I treasure the relationship that we have , even still to this day . He's 26 , never given me any problems . We've always been very , very close . I thank God that I've never had to deal with him choosing the right friends . I've never had to deal with gangs and drugs and all those things that some people really have to deal with . He's never , you know , like they say , smelling a self . He's a young man and feeling like he's the cause always allowed him to be himself .
Speaker 1But understand now , with being yourself , there are certain consequences that come along with that . Make sure that you being you doesn't compromise . What you know is the truth and what you know is your moral fiber . Do what you're going to do , but understand something it's going to circle by ground if your hands ain't clean , and so he'll tell me all the day , all the way , says and why . You always told me keep my hands clean . Keep your hands clean , exactly , keep your hands clean . Make sure you have good rapport in these streets . No , it doesn't matter what people think of you , but to a certain degree , you don't want certain things that you do in this life to be something that you have to carry because of something that you willfully did . People are going to have public opinion , but I always told my son keep your hands clean , and so it's been a journey .
Speaker 1It's been a journey and I love the part of our relationship now , and so the point now where I'm parenting you , but I'm not parenting you the same as if you were 16 , if you were six no , you're 26 . So I really step back more , but I love the blessing is he pulls me in versus me jumping in , and so I feel like Lord , I must have done something right , because he still , to this day , will call me Ma what do you think about this ? And it's always his life decisions . He still includes me , and so I'm very grateful for our friendship and I thank God for he told me to calm my nerves because I told him I want a grandbaby . He told me he's not thinking about no kids right now . So you know I'm okay with that , but now because I need a little granddaughter with April Puffs , or I need a little grand boy with big old cheeks . But other than that , yeah , he told me to calm my nerves , but it's been a journey since .
Speaker 1It really has been a journey and it's , and I can tell everybody it's me up , it stopped me from my reckless ways and it really helped help me to be a better person and it helped me to see , really that's when I really started working with youth and young adults , because at that point I knew I didn't just want anybody forward into my child . I was so concerned , like when he's not in my presence , who's around him ? And so I wanted to be one of those people that other parents could say well , when he's with Miss Stephanie , or when she with Miss Stephanie , or they guarantee they guarantee that . And so that really fueled me because I didn't want the same for him . So , yeah , it's been a journey , but I've enjoyed it .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's going to be some hard times for anybody listening , watching for lock in , because it was never designed for me to be a single parent . I know you know the order of how God does things , but some of us won't be single parents . Some of us are going to be single parents , just like some of us are going to be single , and so I've learned to . Whatever my life , it is what it is yes yes , that's what it is .
Speaker 2Yes , I think what you hit on was important . I know , having an adult daughter , you parent differently , and so I think , once they become adults and they are responsible and they're doing what they do , that it's important for parents to take on a coaching role . You know , when they were younger like you said six , 16 , you know early years we had to parent . We had to make those decisions and those choices , but relinquishing that control and allowing them to grow and develop and even make their own mistakes , because listen , that's the way that we learned , that's the way they learn as well . And so , as an adult , you know we coach them rather than tell them what to do . Right , right , right , right , right . And so it is .
Speaker 2It is beautiful to have that type of relationship where your child , even as an adult , still wants to include you in choices that they make , and so I share that same kind of relationship with my daughter . One of the things she reminded me of is that everything that I taught her is still in there , and so , as a young adult , when she first really started having her own place and doing all of those things , she said I know you're gonna worry about me , but I want you to know that what you taught me is still in there and I heard it one time when she had her first little apartment and she's telling her friend cut them lights out . No , you need to eat the end of the piece of bread , you don't throw that away . I was like I sound like you . I say you sure do .
Speaker 2She said I told you it's in there , yeah , and so that's good . And just mom to mom , let me congratulate you for raising a human being that is compassionate and caring and knows how to stand on business .
Speaker 1He does he does .
Speaker 2Thank you , loves the Lord , loves the Lord he does , he does , indeed , he does .
Speaker 1And likewise , likewise , ms Honey . Listen , ms Lady , and if she does sound like you , that ain't a bad thing . So how about that ? Right ?
Speaker 2Ah , yes , yes .
Fashion Design Journey
Speaker 2So tell me , how did you get started in fashion design ? What inspires your creative process ? Tell us where you started with that , how you started , and then tell us what's your creative process like .
Speaker 1Okay . So I tell people all the time when they asked me this question I guess it would . I wish I could say that , oh , I was inspired by this designer and I saw this , no , mine . My story , how I started even considering anything fashion , design , anything was to camouflage my weight . So I've always been a heavy woman . Always I was a heavy kid .
Speaker 1I was listening , I was pretty plus JC Penney back in the day , and if you were plus size first , you know that was worthy . The kids that were a little chunkier , that's where you got those from . And so for me , my thing was , if I put on this color or if I kind of make my clothes a little extra , then you'll concentrate on what I have on versus how big I am . And at one point I was 512 pounds and so I took every effort to you know hide per se behind my clothes . And so the older I got this is middle school , this is middle school I even covered my legs Like I wore stockings every day because I felt like my legs were too big and so I'm going to wear stockings .
Speaker 1And it was so funny . People thought I came from private school and I would get asked that question you school to private school and I was like I never understood the correlation , because they wore tights and stockings and so it didn't matter if it was winter , summer , it didn't matter if I had on shorts . My legs were covered probably all of middle school literally , and I didn't even realize that , stephanie , you have on white stockings and a jean skirt Girl , they see your legs .
Speaker 2Girl , what you doing in these ?
Speaker 1streets . Girl , what are you doing ? I didn't look in the mess in these streets , but in my mind , in the unformed brain of somebody that's just trying to fit in their version of fit in by hiding , that was what I thought I needed to do , and so , unfortunately , that lasted way longer than it should have . It really did . It really and truly did , and I wish I could tell you when away in high school . I wish I could tell you when away in my 20s , it did not .
Speaker 1And so I got to a point to where I started liking what I was seeing , because I started getting compliments oh , that's nice . I took off them . White stockings , that's nice , that's nice . Who did that ? Who did ? And so what I would do ? Because I still was heavy , I would take . If I saw that skirt or that shirt , I would take that , cut them up and put them together , or I would take . I didn't even know at the time I was ripping the team , I just thought I was cutting down the line and I'm finna add something else to it . Didn't know how to put elastic on , so a lot of times I had it tied up in a knot and because I was heavy , they're not folded right into that belly and nobody knew . Nobody knew . But in my mind I was like , still covering up all of this .
Speaker 1And so I tell people all the time my story didn't start from this happy , wonderful place . It actually started from place of feeling inferior , a place of self-esteem issues , and from that I started to see myself and then I started putting on makeup . My aunt was just , and she still does to this day . Her makeup is always amazing . I was like , okay , and then I grew up in a single parent household so I wasn't always money for this , that , and the third about it's about it my grandmother . The rest are wonderful . So she got me into thrifting and so we will go to the thrift store . And I was like , wait a minute , so I can get like a whole outfit for like $4 and all the stuff to go along with it .
Speaker 1So then I started playing dress up and so the more I did that I would see things put it together and then I'm gonna wear it . And I was like , okay , I don't know if I should wear that , cause I'm a little too big for red . I'm gonna feel like I'm . And I say you know what , bump it , cause I'm gonna wear this , I'm gonna , and that . From that and that was probably entering into maybe my dream year in high school , and the more I did it , the more I did it .
Speaker 1Then my grandma passed . My grandma passed when I was eight years old , so stuff that she taught me way then just going to thrift stores , it stayed with me . Even to this day you can find me in somebody's thrift store , and so from that that was my biggest motivation . And then I flipped it over and I said you know what ? I'm not the only plus size girl out here feeling a certain kind of way , I know I'm not . And so from then I started targeting , literally looking for a plus size woman I could dress , and it was just amazing that the movement I call it added value . I want to get rid of the word plus size . So my motivation these days are to never blend in and I want to inspire women of a certain size and age that it doesn't matter what industry says . You can still strut , be amazing in your own skin , whether that skin is a 1X , 2x , all the way to a 5X , whatever your X is you may not even have an .
Speaker 1X , whatever it is . I just want to celebrate you in your genuine body and we're going to build around in your body . We're not going to make you be this body , we're going to celebrate the body that you have . And so I've been receiving very well in the plus size community , male and female , and it's so amazing that now , because of the work that I'm doing and because how I love to highlight women of a certain size and age , that it's so amazing that at least once or twice a week , I get a model that's a size 2 . Asking me can I model for you ? Can I be a random back , can I ? And I'm like years ago , what nobody's checking for me ?
Speaker 1It's still a wonderful body checking for me and the opportunities are coming and , as of last year , I started really well , you know , I really started going after my dreams of design and style and all of those things , and I'm telling you every month , from May 2023 , all the way up until current , every month I get a new opportunity , something I've never done Every month and I thank God for it , because every end of it's without fail . I always would work up until December 15 . And even at work , I would take vacation time . The last few weeks of the year . I don't do anything , since I was working up until December 31 , 1148 PM , literally , literally .
Speaker 1I don't know the last time , but I thank God because my prayer for my business as I venture on in Jesus' name , is to be sought after versus seeking , and he has fulfilled that . I said , lord , I want to be sought after , but I want to be sought after with good intentionality and , if they don't mean me , well , reveal it . And so it's been an amazing journey and I feel like it's just getting really started . Coming back , because I first came out at least five years ago just doing all the accessories and working on other people's shows and now my apologies these allergies in Florida . Now I'm doing shows and people are asking me hey , can you ? And I'm actually telling people no , because I'm booked . Look at God . What is that about ?
Speaker 2What is that about ?
Speaker 1So yeah , it's been an amazing journey and I'm excited because I feel like it's really just getting started .
Speaker 2And it's overwhelming .
Speaker 1And I ain't going to sit here and pretend it's overwhelming sometimes because it's like OK , lord , now I know what I pray for , I know what you said , I know what you showed me , but I wanted to have a studio . I wanted to have my own showroom to do all this stuff .
Speaker 2So you mean to have my god to make all these ?
Speaker 1clothes in my dining room on a fold up table . But , lord , you know so it's like you scream , but I'm like all right , lord , now I am every month like clockwork , every month since May , without fail , and I've never had to reach out to anybody and I'm not , you know , I do not want to have any arrogance at all , but I thank God and I said you know what , lord , I appreciate it because at one point nobody knew who I was and it's and it's growing and it's developing , but I'm being known for something that encourage , encouraging , and it's , it's , it's good to be known for that versus the other . So I thank God for that , I really do so . Yeah , I was just on the news and it wasn't for breaking it . Yes , it wasn't for breaking it .
Speaker 2I love it . I love it . Yes , yes , river City Live . Yeah , I was on River .
Speaker 1City Live . Yes , I said well , lord , I know I was there , but it was just so surreal and you go in the studio and all these people . I said that's the lady on the news . I'm like , lord , I'm here with these people .
Speaker 1Yeah , so it's . It's this whole week has just been leading up to my first show for the season . Start is going to be on Sunday , so it's like it's just been a journey . It's been a journey and I thank God for it , and my hugest motivation is just really wanting to see plus size women in a whole different light . I don't have anything against another size , but I know what I experience , for we're in stocking for three whole years in middle school , I mean , even when we dressed up for Jim , I would have stockings on with socks and tennis shoes because I felt just that bad about the way I look . And I'm like fast forward to now . Can you imagine social media , my mind , where I was feeling , and how they portray beauty on social media and on TV ? Can you imagine what my thought process would have been ?
Speaker 2We may not be sitting here today .
Speaker 1Right , we may be sitting here today because we're sponges , and if you are already in the dumps and all you see is People that don't look anything like you all across , and I'm still , I still tell people all the time . I tell people . I just told somebody when I told them no the other day . They wanted me to be a part of their show . They want to provide me with all the models and all these things . All the models were sizes two to four and I have nothing against that , but that's not my thing . I will sprinkle one or two in there , but if the majority if I have eight models and four or five or not plus size .
Speaker 1I'm not participating and they would like , well , you know , industry , industry , industry , no , no , no . I believe , and I'm so glad that we're doing this . Black history mom , I believe that there's always been a standard . I do believe that , but I also believe that I create my own Right and if I keep trying to do the way you want me to do it , that's not unconventional . Unconventional says that I can be a 55 year old model on a runway and I can be a soccer mom by day , and and I'm taking pictures .
Speaker 1No , I may have never gone to New York Fashion Week , I may not even know what that is , but that does not mean that I do not add to and bring added value to whatever I enter , and so that is my , that's . That's like I love when people try to put us in that box , because I tell them all the time I love my ladies , with they plus size , this , they that we celebrate , that we do not conceal . I do not add any editing to pictures . Uh-uh , what you see is what you get , because more people look like us than them anyway . So so you know , since I'm you put and I can put size twos and size forms and again , it's not to knock that , but in this day and age of what we experience and what we still experience , especially as black women , how we are , you know you use me for the streets of this , but you won't really put me on the cover . And if you put me off the cover , you'll surround me with so many other smaller women or women of another nationality , and I'm somewhere in there . But it's a rarity that you see a plus size woman on any regular , popular , circulated magazine and I just believe that that can change . I really believe that it can change , and I feel that for not just plus size black women , black women in general .
Speaker 1And so for me , when I say added value , I'm looking at all of those things . I look at all of that . And for me , whenever you come to one of my shows , I'm the type of designer that I'm also a stylist , and so I'm going to make sure you're right from head to toe . I , you have to be right from head to toe because it creates the look , and so , yeah , I'm just real intent on that and I don't I don't apologize for it I tell people all the time you don't put baby in the corner . Who was baby ? Baby is that big girl . That's real cute . That's one , but you can tell her that she can't , and so that's why I'm here .
Speaker 2And I love that . I love that because you see fashion as life . It's not just something you put on to look a certain way at different times Like . It embodies your personality and helps you to express your individuality right . That's why I love it . That's why I love unconventional designs , because it's not the same stuff that you're seeing everywhere . I think that we have . We've been pigeonholed into this standard of beauty which actually does not include us . It's like they thought of us as a byproduct . They just really have started to , because they see that there is money to be made . Now they want to expand what that looks like For you .
Navigating Stereotypes and Overcoming Challenges
Speaker 2Tell us about some of those stereotypes that you faced as a woman , and how you navigated those and overcame them , because it's not really easy to do that .
Speaker 2Like you said , we're bombarded with all of these images and all of that . Talk with us a little bit . How did you work through some of that and tell us what some of those challenges were ?
Speaker 1To be completely transparent , I'm still in that vein . I'm still in that particular working through it . What I've done to navigate is , to be true to myself , it goes back to middle school . If I'm going to wear something denim , I'm going to wear something denim . I'm going to make it . It's going to be the bomb . It's not going to look like what you think that denim should look like . If it's a drape dress , if it's whatever , how I've managed to break down and start to break down some of those barriers is be true to my aesthetic never blending in . I do not , at no point . I'm in nobody's fashion show on purpose as a model Never , because you always dress me according to what you think plus size women should wear .
Speaker 1I rarely promote books unless I know that you are really trying to create an experience for all of your shoppers , not just your ones that are of a certain size , meaning on the lower size or the smaller size better word smaller size . I also looked at what the industry was doing as a whole . I look at large retailers . I'm not going to call anybody's name . I look at the large retailers that supposed to cater to plus size women . My allergies are trying to just do something . I'm so sorry . I look at those and I say , well , there's still no place for me there . There's still no place for me there . I've even worked for some of them . When I worked for them I would catch flack because I would wear my stuff with some of their stuff . But I would still tend to get more compliments on my stuff because it was like you referenced Everybody . It looks the same . You can look on some of those online stores or you order it and it's of a flimsy material or it's nothing , like they presented it . Then they only presented in a smaller one . If I got big arms , I'm not sure it's going to fit on me . I need to know what it's going to look like For me .
Speaker 1How I've been able to navigate is being true to my aesthetic , even if that means that door closes . That's fine , that's cool , that's great . There wasn't a door for me . I'm creating the doors for other people . I said I don't mind being the sacrificial lamb , I don't mind getting the nose , I don't mind telling you no , because you want me to compromise to what your way of doing things . I've taken on autonomy and control of my brand . At first I was just coming back and I was like , yeah , we're going to do this , we're going to do this , we're going to do that . Then , when I started running into those same barriers , to be completely transparent , I started to feel like maybe I do need to do this , maybe I do need to do that , maybe no , even if it meant me taking my phone and this being my camera , because you telling me you can't take this angle .
Speaker 1Guess what ? What people don't know ? My first six photo shoots would take this phone , right here , right here . I'm a graphic artist by trade and profession . I got me some apps . I said you know what ? Okay , like even to this day , people tell me all the time who does your videos , who does your promos ? Me , I do . I schedule time and sometimes it takes me two or three hours to get my content , my videos , the way that I need it to come across .
Speaker 1I don't have the expenditures right now and the money to cover all this stuff . It doesn't mean that I think I got to keep going . That is what I run into . I run into still a meeting this week with a guy , amazing guy doing some amazing things . I'm looking at 30 models in this huge show and only six are plus size . That's a problem to me . That's a problem to me when I do a casting for plus size model , I get 40 women Right , because what's happening is , if I show up and all of the twos , four or sixes , they got on these heels to here , they twirl and they doing you call out European , you call out all these things .
Speaker 1I may not know how to do that . I may not even understand exactly what that is . Or when I walk , her legs are longer and slender , so her strides are more . So it's so many different things that I'm trying to , that I've run into and that I'm trying to get around or just go directly through . That is a daily , daily . As much time as I spend sketching . I spend just that much time researching and seeing what way can we come through this door another way If the door doesn't exist . God help me to find the door . And so it's . I wish I could say that it's easy . It's not . Even from a plus size designer standpoint . A lot of people don't necessarily want me on that show because they know when I come , I'm going my lady's stump .
Speaker 1They literally they listen . It's you already know when we put it together and when , when . When you tell a plus size woman , hey , I need you to show out , I mean , and my ladies are bold , big , confident . Some of them are 6'3" , 340 , 350 , sometimes 400 pound . Listen . But they get on that runway and all they see is their lane and they traveling . And that is to me . And a lot of times when we do that I get kind of calls afterwards how can I , how can I , how can I , how can I ? But it shouldn't take that , it shouldn't take that .
Speaker 1And if I'm doing a show , I want it to be equal , I want it to have the same type of vibe . I don't have any problems with smaller models . I don't . That's amazing , that's great . Those are some of my very first models . We're the smaller women , but that that's not it .
Speaker 1Things have changed and I do that even with my designs . I'm creating clothes for women with larger arms but a small with legs . Your back is wider but you have a little waist or you have that boxer shape . Well , we're going to style you to where we create the curve . And see , I take all that stuff into consideration when I'm making stuff and when I style people , because I can easily make you something , say , yeah , go and put that on , you look good in it . No , you don't . No , you don't . And I've been . I've never liked that . If they make it in your size where it , no , you don't .
Speaker 1No , it's about presentation and I'm big on my own presentation , and so I translate into the work that I do from talking to youth and young adults . When I stand before you , I'm going to be presentable . I'm not coming here with no slides on . Okay , my feet hurt and I'm going to have on some level of a heel and I'm going to a former teacher who's born to be with the Lord , mr Francis Smith . He said it Dress for the position you aspire .
Speaker 1Whatever room you enter in , it's your room . That's what you're going to do with it , and so that resonates with me . I don't care if I'm going . I'm never going to sleep in that . Just run to the grocery store . If I run to the grocery store , I'm taking ash and I'm taking ginger . I'm taking something less than you have on for a time . I'm going to throw something out . I have clothes that I throw on and I promise you , it looked like I don't put no , it just not throw on , it may not need me . I'm really huge on presentation and I am that way because of my size , because of my complexion , because of all those things that have been considered as barriers or hindrances to some my complexion . This ain't always been received . We hear all this melanin magic now , but coming up middle school all of them 20 plus years ago when nobody told me I know melanin .
Speaker 2When nobody told me I know . When nobody told me I'm black is beautiful .
Speaker 1Black was shameful . Look , this says black excellence right here . That any what I was feeling so I was fighting against my sister always have been much , much lighter than me and my family . Unfortunately , to be more transparent , I started wearing the stockings because my aunt told me my legs were too black . Yeah , my aunt told me my lips was too big . So I tried everything she told me . I tried to cover .
Speaker 1I said , Lord , I got the lips , natural lip people buying right now and looking a hot mess in the process , but I had to get out of that and that happens . So , fortunately , some of the stuff that we have to fight against it's right within our family circle , it's right within the people that are supposed to be our nurturers , and you know , I'm of you , I'm flesh of your flesh , blood of your blood .
Speaker 1And here I am being told this as 10 , 9 , 10 , 11 year old my lips to be , you need that boy lipstick , your legs to play . So that was a lot of times . The main color stock of the world was the white one . So when I tell people my backstory , they like I'm , like , I'm telling you this didn't come from a happy place . Right , it came from a place , and this is why I work with youth also . It came from a place of wanting to be accepted , but not even accepted for my malady , my smarts , but for the way that I look , and that's never okay because somebody's going to be darker than me , somebody's going to be bigger than me , and if I want to be accepted by just people for the way that I look , I have missed the mark because , at the end of the day , I have no control over the complexion of my skin , the thickness of my lips , the whiteness . I have no control . Yes , I can diet and do all the things that I need to do , but if I'm so focused on being accepted like , appreciated , invited , because of the way I look , I've missed the mark . I've missed the mark and it's unfortunate . You have people in their 30s , 40s and 50s still trying to live up to the acceptance of others and I got to do all these things . I got to get the BBL , I got to get the lip injections , I got to lighten my skin . I got to get weaved down my back because I don't like my nappy hair . I'm trying to do all these things and it's like we talked about earlier . It's way bigger than putting on a cute dress or it's bigger than that . It's way bigger than that and I know mine started from a place of trauma . It really did . I was running away from so many things and , yeah , thank God it panned out . But I know I see young girls . I know I see young plus-sized girls and I see them . I see straight people there and that big is beautiful . It may resonate for some but it don't resonate for everybody . You got that grown women that have never been okay with big as beautiful Just never happened
The Impact of Authenticity and Self
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1And the BBW movement again , when nobody checking for the big girls back in the 80s and 90s , when nobody we wouldn't know it wasn't even a such thing as BBW . And that's what I tell people . This is new and I thank God for it because it's taken it to a different level and I hope there is some good in it because it's celebrating who you are . But if , in the core of that , it's something going on that you're trying to live up to somebody else's standard of beauty or be accepted because of what you have on or what you don't have on , then we're still missing the mark , and my goal is to try my best . So that's why I say it's definitely still a struggle , definitely still a struggle , because we still aren't accepted . We still are , and so I just got to move forward every day , trying to knock down doors as best I can . But I ain't mean to be crying on here . I'm not Crying , that's okay . We do that too . We do that too . I'm going to be all blue-grey .
Speaker 2I think one thing that is important to say , one thing that's imperative , is for us to learn that our words matter , our actions matter , especially in the lives of children , because they're so impressionable and children are sponges Whatever you give to them , whatever you present to them , they soak it in , they take it in . So those words begin to live in our hearts , in our minds , as children , and they help to shape the way we love or don't love ourselves , and that's key . That's key , and helping to . I would much rather , I would much rather help to help , help to engage and to heal the mindset of a child than to have to help an adult reframe their thoughts , because then they experience so much trauma and so much self doubt and so much deprivation at the hands of other people . Right , and even on my own journey , I can think about the times that I was complicit in my own abuse and didn't even realize it right , and trying to conform to some image and all of that . So I love the work that you're doing because , even though it's something that we all gravitate to and love to see and experience , the truth is it goes far deeper than what we are putting on the outside , and so that's what makes me love the work that you're doing , whether it's with young people or whether it's with women .
Speaker 2I think it's important also for us to recognize that everybody comes with a story , and so one of the things that I really like about your presentation when it comes to fashion or when it comes to any of the events , because we've worked together on several things and is that it's something that helps people to be authentically who they are , if they don't already know it , to begin to discover their own authentic self , and so I love that , because we definitely need that , because out here , you know , everybody is good with pretending so much pretence , and social media is the place where everybody can pretend . Everybody puts on their highlight reel , but when authenticity walks in the room , when authenticity walks in , when it's in healing happens .
Speaker 2And so it's not just the runway , it's people starting to embrace and own who they are , own other parts of themselves and discover other parts of themselves that they allow to lie dormant because of shame , right , because of fear , because of self doubt . And so , yeah , I love it . I love it and you can see it when the models are walking . As they are walking , you see the confidence building . You see the isms falling off , the impact of the isms falling off , those chains falling off . So it's not just about clothing , it's not just about accessories , it's about embodying and embracing your own authenticity . So , oh yeah , oh yeah , that's what people see and that's what people get when they get . You Listen , in any room , I don't care if she is in a boardroom , in corporate , it doesn't matter . At church , it doesn't matter . She is fully herself
Advice for Pursuing a Creative Career
Speaker 2. And so what would you say to other people ? What advice can you give to those single moms and other women who aspire to pursue any career really , but particularly a career in fashion or any of the creative ?
Speaker 1fields . I would say don't get distracted . And I say because we'll get distracted . Us being creative people , we get distracted when we see our level of creativity not on the forefront . And so don't get distracted , because distraction creates compromise . Compromise will have you making it in blue when you know your favorite color is yellow . Now , that's just a color , that's just a light reference , but it will have you to compromise .
Speaker 1If you're aesthetic , if your person , if your whole vision is to make shoes , make shoes . If you've got to make a slide at first , even if you're trying to learn about this shoe , even got to take old shoes and repurpose them into something new , stay in the area that you know you are gifted in . Stay in the area that you know . And I say stay in that area only to get your foot in the door . Other opportunity will present itself . But don't try to be something that you're not . Don't get distracted . Distraction will have you all the way in left field and that's not what you're supposed to be . And you have to also understand that . Don't compare your start with somebody's already on the path . I can't look at what you've been doing and you've been doing it 10 years and feel a certain kind of weight . This is year one for me , so I got to learn things in this year one so that I can get to year 20 , year 30 , year retired and living in somewhere , so those things and so that right there , that's a huge stronghold for and especially , being a single parent , especially being a woman trying to break down just the norm , just the barriers of that , maybe getting paid less money , maybe in a , you know , a chauvinistic environment , just all of the things that go along with just being a woman . You add a black woman to that , you just kind of compounded some more stuff . So it's going to always be those things that you are fighting against and the freedom that we're fighting to reclaim . But at the end of the day , you can't get distracted . You can't get distracted , you have to stay focused , even if you have to go one step , that one day and that one step maybe . Let me just write out my plans over the next month . Be realistic . I stopped putting okay , by this time next year , by this time next year , because you know what For people like me , when you internalize that , that turns into a different type of fuel , because you're like oh God , 365 days .
Speaker 1Then the next day , oh God , 365 days , oh God . And I'm the type okay , it ain't happening these two months , okay , it ain't happening this and it's happening that . So my realistic goals , like I shared with you before we got it , we take it a week at a time . I don't do one day at a time because I just believe that , yeah , I want to be mindful and I know days come one at a time , but I just believe that we have to plan . But we have to be realistic in our plan and the way , the things I set up , how life be like , how you can literally be here one day , go on the next and you're trying to navigate this thing , my thing . I tell people all the time I don't want to be here one day . I don't want to be here one day . Just plan it out , write it out , just do . That's something towards your business , that's something towards your goal .
Speaker 1Look online and there's nothing wrong with being inspired by somebody else . Don't copy that . That's plagiarism . I don't know what they describe it as when it's fashion , fast charism . But be inspired . You know , if you're a cook , you're learning how to cook right . You learn how to cook if you know . You don't know how to cook if you know you burn water , reassess if this is what you're supposed to be doing , but if God has shown you and it's just been confirmed that this is the industry , if this is the vein you're supposed to be in , then go after it , even if you take baby steps , go after it .
Speaker 1It should not be one month that passed . Thirty one days should not pass and you haven't done something towards your dreams . I don't care if you just sketching . I make it up names , calling it this , whatever it is , you've done something . You've done something because at the end of the day , it's going to come back full circle .
Speaker 1I'm looking at sketches from middle school no , I didn't write it out , but it's in here , internalized and like some of my designs , the sleeves , basically because I had really big arms . So I'm doing sleeves that I drew all the way back in sixth and seventh grade , and so it's like I internalized it and God brought it back to me and so those preparation all the way back . Then I didn't realize , I did not realize it , and now I'm still . I still don't like my legs out like that , but I'm of the mindset . I celebrate my curves in a way that , okay , I can still be out there looking amazing , all those wonderful things , and have my legs out . But now it's a choice versus running from something like I like my legs , but I just don't like them out like that and I don't have them covered so long time .
Speaker 1People don't even realize my legs the lightest things on me . They've been bound for so long and I was wearing the dayshare types and stockings . Dayshare you go , dayshare , that's like love . I mean , they bound my legs on life . I said , lord , who these legs alone to ? They've been caught up all these years . But yeah , so so you just have to . Again the distractions . They are designed to do just that . They throw you off . They're going to do that . You have to . And the last thing I would say is you have to make time to pursue your vision and your dream . You have to . I don't care if you got to be in the bathroom . Why are you trying to handle your ?
Speaker 1business , handle your business , Because if you don't , nobody else is going to do it . I tell people all the time you are the one that's going to have to get this done . Nobody else not going to send another you .
Speaker 1We aren't getting cloned and if you are , it's sub main right with it , and I don't want to know nothing about your cloning . But at this point it's going to be you . I don't care how dark it looks , I don't care if you don't have all the resources in place , it's still going to be you to pull it off . If you don't do it , it won't get done . And I tell myself that step to get up . If you don't do this , it ain't going to get done . It's no way for it to get done . This is on your path to get to the next point . You're not going to jump over this to get to that . No , you got to do this . So that means every day , get up and do something towards your business , something towards your future .
Speaker 1I don't want to be working for anybody but myself . I ain't got no time to be playing around . I don't have to be very careful in call of the business partnerships I made , where I found myself , who I meet with . Any of that . I don't waste any time if it don't sound right , if you come out the gate wrong . I ain't got time , I can't do it . That it don't if it doesn't line up partnerships I supposed to line up for both people involved . If this partnership has that person getting all of this , this and you just get near this , even if it's not money but the exposure is nothing really tangible , for you to have to just say , oh well , damn , I'm out , nope , nope . So you gotta be consistent , you gotta watch the distractions and just devote time .
Speaker 1That's what I tell you , because I , I , I know how I've especially going back to my journey , I , I didn't come from well , still not well . You know it's gonna happen . I'm rich because of him , but little poor . So I didn't have all these . You know I didn't have revenue streams , still don't . You know I'm , I'm learning the thing , but I've always been the you take this and if you put it with this some kind of way , it turns into this . I've just that's always been the way .
Speaker 1Like back in the day I wanted that shirt . It was too small for me . I'm gonna get two of these shirts , I'm gonna wear that shirt and that's what it was . I've always been that type . I've never had money to throw at this dream of mine . I've never had it , never , never had it . But it doesn't mean that it's come in the past and and it's so amazing that I'm still learning how to sew and craft and all of those things . But to date I've been in six fashion shows and I haven't repeat with the show yet , repeat the look . And so it's like god , I don't know what you're doing , but whatever you're doing , I'm gonna just keep going your way . I'm gonna just keep on doing , and doing , and doing , because I don't know why you chose me , but you did and I gotta take advantage of it . So same thing to you , young lady , young man . Yes , he chose you , he did . He had several other people , like that song says . He still chose me in spite of me . Yeah , I can't let his choice go to waste .
Speaker 2I might even feel like the chosen one .
Speaker 1But I am the chosen one , so I gotta do what I got to do , and you know too person that's it
Finding Balance and Authenticity in Life
Speaker 1.
Speaker 2That's it , and I think that's a perfect example for us to be able to , to pause for a second and say truly , god works all things together for the good of them that love him and are called according to his purpose , and everyone's purpose plays out differently according to the gifts and the talents that god has given to them , and so , with that in mind , we really don't have the space for comparison because , truly , when comparison walks in , authentic creativity walks out the door . It does . I'm so focused on comparing to , comparing me , comparing what I have , comparing what I see , comparing what I want to do to someone else , to the extent that it goes past inspiration and I begin to compare myself . Then I start to conform what was given to me , to the image of what I see . Oh yeah , it's no longer authentically me , it becomes a carbon copy of somebody else , a cheap copy of somebody else .
Speaker 1Come on , knock off , and then what they think yeah , knock off , yeah .
Speaker 2That's the world in fashion . It becomes a knock off . A knock off , yeah , and it's no longer authentic to the person that you are , and so I love it . I love hearing parts of your story and it really reminds me , because you know I'm a preacher and we're gonna always , somewhere in the bible , gonna come up in the conversation every time I ain't got no problem with it so the thing about that is Jesus knows us right and he knew , just like he knew Peter walked with him .
Speaker 2He knew what Peter was about . He was super impulsive . He knew he was a little thug , he was a little street animal , of that little boy in the hood , little boys in the hood , but he told them .
Speaker 2He said listen , when thou art converted , strengthen the brethren . In other words , that's the King James version . Basically , jesus said listen , they coming for you . You're going to mess up , but when you turn that thing around , when you get your mind right , when you're able to see past where you were and you've overcome the obstacles , strengthen those behind you that have obstacles and encourage them and pour into them so that they can become better , become the mistakes and the choices that you made .
Speaker 2And I think God wants that for all of us and he wants each of us to do it in the way that he has gifted us and in the areas , in the arenas that he gives us exposure to . Yeah , in church . Well , we have tendency to want everything to be in church , but if we study Jesus' life , almost all of what he did was not done . He wanted church , within the context of the church or back then in the synagogue , and so I think we have to be mindful of that if we're going to be authentic and we're going to have any impact in the world . We've got to know that marketplace ministry is done through our getting up every day , going to work , doing what we do .
Speaker 2Lives as we encounter people , as we meet them where they are , as we speak to the places of pain that we've experienced , we have an opportunity to help others overcome their pain . That's what I see you doing , that's what I hear you speaking about , that's what you embody in the way that you minister to the world in practical ways . Right , because some of us , such as myself , are called to preach and to teach a message in a more formal setting . Right , that's one of the stages that I have , but , at the end of the day , the most impact that is to be had is outside of that moment .
Speaker 1Oh yeah .
Speaker 2And so living your faith in real , practical ways and enjoying life and teaching others how to embrace themselves and enjoy their lives . That's what I hear you speaking about . That's what I see you embody in the work that you do . So how do you balance your role ? Like you have so many things going on , how do you balance your role as a single mom with your career , your community , advocacy , fashion , design ? Give single moms out there and other women , just give us some tips . Can we help to create balance ? Because you can't find it . It's something you have to create , share with us .
Speaker 1So I balance to me is going to Bible study on Wednesdays , choir rehearsal on Thursdays , and not missing church on Sundays . Now it was required me to deliberately adjust my schedule so that I can be to those three things every week . And so , with all of my head tickness , when I'm at church , I'm focused , I'm completely focused on where I am at that moment . I'm in worship , I'm in ministry . I have daily devotional . Every day , every day , I'm going to start my day with the Lord on my mind and sometimes it's a long time in my mind . Sometimes I say , well , lord , thank you for this day , and I get right into it . But I take time to pour into my spirit and in my soul , and that's the way that I do it .
Speaker 1And so many people have gotten away from what it means to gather with the saints , because it's strength there , it's love there , it's the things I need for me to be built up and continue on this journey . And so I can come there and let it all out . You know I can , I can lay it all right there and I try to leave it there . Sometimes I grab a cue and bring it back with me , but there I'm free . I love worship . I'm free to worship . I can that , listen , I listen . I don't know who I would be without worship . So that is my escape , and it don't always happen at the church .
Speaker 1Most times , my most authentic and most heartfelt worship is right here , in the confines of wherever I'm at , and a lot of times it's hard because it's just like , but it'll take place in the car , it'll take place in the grocery store , it'll take place wherever it needs to take place . But my release is being deliberate and getting to the house of prayer . That's that's . That's what does it for me , because I could easily . I'm so tired Last night . I have eight looks , I'm finishing up and , like I said , I do the whole look . So I got two people I'm doing something to , they shoe , I'm making hats and I got to the event in a few hours and I got the look right here that I'm wearing that will end up .
Speaker 1That's why you're on the table and so . But last night was quite rehearsing . I don't even think I'm going to make it the church on Sunday only because of what time I have to do check in . So last night was only for the people that was going to be there on Sunday , not for me . Last night was my commitment to the Lord that if you , if you , if you trust me enough to let me pursue my dreams and my vision that you placed in me long , long , long decades ago , I promise to keep you first . I'll never get too busy to where . I don't care what show it is , I don't care what what , I don't care what it is . On Wednesdays I'm going to Bible study , on Thursdays I'm going to choir rehearsal , and on Sunday I'm going to church , and sometimes I have to be at two services . I sang on the mic , but that's Wednesday , I'm going to Bible study .
Speaker 1And only time I watch it online is when they've canceled it and we're not meeting and they doing an old , old , old episode . Other than that , I'm going to and that , to me , is my balance . It really is my balance , and and it's strange because that means that I have to add something else to my schedule but that's , that's the agreement that I have with God . If I miss on a Sunday , like Monday , I may miss . Oh , I'm going to go to some part of early service and from there I'm going to the show . I might , even if I don't get the praise and worship and the first part of devotion , I'm going to be at the house on Sunday morning and then I'm going to the show . So that's my balance . I have to .
Speaker 1Without God , I'm nothing , and so that's where all of my hope , my strength , my peace , everything comes from there . So having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is is what grounds me and it all girts me , because it's a struggle , you know , and so and so for me , when I walk in the door , the first thing I see is relax . That's the first thing . Within an eye shot it says relax , okay , so that's it . I don't want to bring the schools in the house , and because I am , so , stephanie , before I even get to my room , it says another sign say let it go . I'm purposeful in creating a space here that's unlike any other space that I'm in , and I don't care what have to do to create this piece . I'm going to have peace when I come home because this is my first sanctuary . That's how I look at it . So for me , that's what to the single parent , to whomever , that's my source , that's my foundation , and I have to water and nurture that , just like I do this business .
Speaker 1So without that , this is a thing I'm gonna know . I don't care what it looked like on social media , I don't care how many shows I get invited to , it's nothing without it being on the foundation of God . Nothing , that's it . I don't want nothing I do to . I just that's my balance . That is my balance . That's how , when it don't make sense , that always makes sense . But sometimes there's something going to line up , right , that all he lines up . And so I know , when I'm with him and I'm nurturing that relationship and I'm feeding myself through by eating of his word and his ways , they'll stop from coming . And even if it's still hell breaking loose , that's what certain things ain't going to be no hell breaking loose , because I've abandoned him and times in my life before and I said , lord , I never again will I purposefully pursue my will over yours , because it never , ever , it never ever pans out . I'm not going to do everything you tell me when you tell me to do it , but the difference is I'm not going to actively do what I want to do . I feel like I can . That's dangerous , that's dangerous , that's very dangerous . So I'm very , very mindful of the things that I do . I'm very mindful of that , and that just comes from our relationship with right . And so every week , I have to set aside time to visit his house and I will , because I want him in my house every day and so we talk all the time . You know , talk during this conversation . We talk all the time and I'm going to always keep that as my constant .
Speaker 1I love . I follow certain people who are encouraging . I love me some . Sarah Drake Roberts I love . I love Deris Daniels . Oh my God , love , love , love , love , love .
Speaker 2You know , that's my , you know that's I love .
Speaker 1I love this thing . You already know . You already know I coach , my mentor . I coach my mentor , I coach my mentor , I coach my mentor . I coach my mentor , I coach my mentor .
Speaker 1I coach my mentor , and that's all of the things . That are the things . That is what it is . And so I tell people all the time like they'll tell me and I and I feel bad about certain things , but I don't and I said like this I didn't know , tina , turn that guy , he , that was been like three , four days Because so checked out Like I don't know the last time I said and watch something on TV Other than maybe law and order , and it was probably three week old episode , different projects .
Speaker 1So I don't have time to really sit in YCB , nor do I want to , and that was the complete opposite by three years ago . I had to have the cable , the streaming , the this and that I don't know . I need Wi-Fi so I can connect with things I need to do , but but my whole being is completely different . I have three TVs . I can't tell you the last time one was really turned on and watched . I really , and I have to go back and look like , oh , I literally had been dead three days . I saw her seeing all this stuff by 10 and turned on I said why don't you get ready to tour Child lady ?
Speaker 2go on to be with the Lord , and I don't know I don't need no understanding of what's going on , even when I do my posts a lot of times I have them scheduled out .
Speaker 1I don't know , I'm checked out from the city , but it's helped me in so many ways . It's tremendously helped me because I was one of those ones that I was always glued to somebody else's drama , glued to somebody else's foolishness . Meanwhile , I got my own drama that's getting ready to erupt like a volcano . You feel right , let me put another bandaid on . Oh , oh , oh time and like it . Like it All right , you don't log off and get on your knees , fall on your knees , go under your knee . Just get on your back of your knee , turn your knee inside out , because you need to get yourself together and you can't . So , so just stop playing , stop playing .
Speaker 1That's why I tell people all the time , whatever room I come in , I'm coming as me Me , 100 percent . The good of me , the not so good of me , the flawed me . I'm just going to be Stephanie , I'm , I'm . Every day I'm trying to get to that next level of me . That's it . I want to be to the next version of me . Not that this version is sold , but ain't no sense in .
The Intersection of Spirituality and Fashion
Speaker 1I'm at the same place in my spiritual walk from five years ago , from a year ago , with this world , this world , we have people leaving up out here and I'm getting all these notifications .
Speaker 1This person , that person , that this person got this cancer and all this stuff , even just right from one side of time to the next . The Lord allowed me to get there without no contact to that , and I'm looking at all this stuff . I see on the new left . If you don't get this crazy weather , it'd be cold in the morning , hot , but for the most part , god has been sparing us and I'm just like Lord . I don't know anybody else I would give my life for other than you . I don't know how I could manage , and so I want to be a better version . I want to be a better example of you in areas in my life . I want to be somebody that you can rely on . That , oh OK , if I send this to Stephanie , she's not going to crumble under pressure . She's going to be an example of the believer . I want people to come to me , stephanie , because she is unorthodox , but I mean , stephanie , I have to be right , because I don't want you to follow . Stephanie . I may introduce you to Christ , but don't follow me . No , I need you to follow him , and if I need to be a better version of myself in Christ , then that's what I need to work towards , because all of a sudden it's going to line up .
Speaker 1I haven't done anything outside of being myself and these opportunities have come , and that wasn't always the case . I've conformed years past to be accepted , to be a part of this , to be on this show , to be on this roster . I have conformed and I said , lord , if you give me another shot , I'm gonna do it in a way that I can just be me and you get the glory , and the business is gonna do what it's gonna do . And so every month , since last May , without fail , every month , I get called and sometimes I have to tell people no , every month . This is my fourth interview . Three of mine even know they done heard about me . Yes , yes , yes , I don't that's all . There's something to follow in you . There is something to when you do it his way , even if it take you longer , even if the path ain't exactly how you thought it was gonna be , but then it pays the third price . Ain't that's what the old default you say it pays , it pays the third price , and sometimes it literally . Come on , lord , Bring it down .
Speaker 2It does it does right .
Speaker 1Right , so I'm just like Lord , I appreciate that I appreciate that .
Speaker 1I don't know how certain things line up . I don't know , I don't know the inner workings of certain things . I know he puts my mind , he puts my name in the minds or in the hearts of people and they reach out to me and things happen . That's what I know . That's what I know . I know I have not asked to be on anything from anybody other than reach out to the people at Harlem Fashion Week . That's the only people I reach out to , but I only reached out to them because their relative is one of my choir members and she asked me how to heard about Harlem Fashion Week . And so Harlem Fashion Week is next week , but I'm going to be in the Fashion Parade in September in Harlem . I don't know , I don't , I don't , lord , I don't know , I don't know , I don't know . But , lord , I will be in Harlem in September and we finalizing everything now . So I'm like , lord , I don't know what .
Speaker 1And then the Harlem Fashion Week . They just started doing an app school program . So in my mind , I'm like well , since they're teaching them the different things about fashion and styling , lord , I'm going to reach out to them and present a proposal that I come there for a week and I teach them about denim , upcycling and app school program . Because I'm going to continue to marry fashion and philanthropy . I'm going to continue to marry the two . Yes , and I said well , lord , if it be a will , I would love to work with the cause . It's inner city program . I would love to work with the youth in New York and teach them about styling with the denim .
Speaker 1So I just put it out there and who knows , who knows ? But that is the kind of stuff that is just mind blowing to me . Never in a million years , I just thought I wanted a little cute , never in a million years . But I did not know . And I still know that there's much more that he has for me . It's so much and it's like I'm just not even haven't even tapped the surface of it yet .
Speaker 1I really , I really feel that and I keep saying , me and my son , we talk once a week , facetime , but we text all the time . And we said it . I said so . I remember that time that it was just like we felt like God getting ready to move and like something major is getting ready to happen . He said my , I feel that same . I said I thought it was just me . I said , son , I don't know if it's for you , if it's for me . I said I don't know who it's for . I said , but somebody either up or somebody connected close to us . Though I get ready to do something that we never seen before , and we just said that probably Sunday night or even Monday , and so I don't know since , but I'm here for it , yeah it's amazing , it's a move .
Speaker 2It's a move , it's a move , and I know that one of the things that God has really been pressing on me . I've been doing a lot of work , okay , on myself , because , even as I encourage others and equip others and empower others , and always engaging others , the truth of the matter is that I'm being introduced to a me that I haven't even met yet , because of what God is doing right , and so he's doing a work within so that he can do a work outside of me through me . So I believe that for all of us and I know that God is faithful to what God says that God will do , yeah , he has come through , he's made a way , he's exceeded our expectations too many times , so we know he is going to do it .
Speaker 2We know that he is going to do it , so I just have a couple more questions . This has been so rich for me , I know right now , I love it , I love it , I love it . Have you noticed , like specific trends or things that are going on in the fashion industry that cater to the unique needs of women who are just out here working , trying to show up in their everyday lives ? Any specific trends or designs that you want to share with us , that you see coming forward ?
Speaker 1Well , what I see , what I see and what I've seen is this athleisure movement and it stemmed from a course pandemic . You couldn't go anywhere but you still had to make your living . So you know , and even on the Zoom calls you dress from here in the bottom , you are free as can be . So I've seen the trends of athleisure and it looked like it was trying to die down
The Importance of Personal Presentation
Speaker 1. But now you have a lot of high-end designers and even local boutiques that the business casual look . It's not like what it used to be . See , I was all for business casual . When you think business casual , it's a collared shirt and some khakis . For ladies it may not , it may just be a cotton blouse and some slack . But now business casual is like dockers and like a screen print tee and like maybe an athleisure , like a sweatsuit , but a little little detail to it .
Speaker 1I'm not a fan because I'm a dressy girl . So my version of athleisure , which I'm trying to work on some things because there's definitely a market for it , because everybody isn't heels and you know fanfare Some people do wear their sweats . Some people literally get workout clothes as their outfit . That's why , if you notice workout clothes , really have some of these workout clothes like . They look amazing . You got the different prints and the colors and they make those that's catered to women of flood size . They have the extra tummy control , they have the pockets and all of the things . That's great .
Speaker 1And so for me , I still want to be able to mindset that if I venture into that , my athleisure cannot look like everybody else's athleisure . And so with that , you have to understand who really is that audience , and honestly , I don't see a lot of plus size women wanting to be in that vein . I really don't , because for so long to us , to a lot of us , that was more frumpy , like we don't necessarily want to wear a sweat , and all that because now again we're in the BBW movement . So I want to show my curves , I want to make sure that what I wear it accentuates my best attributes , and so I don't necessarily go . I'm not going to get there with no fleece , you know . So for me , venturing into the trends and the norms , I still look at as my guiding force my client . I look at my client . You have so many women who are now okay , listen , pandemic , I'm coming off the sidelines .
Speaker 2So many women that when I have my personal clients .
Speaker 1The first thing they say is I want to just change up my look . I'm so used to doing this , so used to doing that . I just feel , you know , and it's always trying to be a better version of themselves or reinvent , like they've been through something that's like , okay , I've evolved from this , so now I want my look to match how I'm really feeling and like what I'm actually experiencing in my life . And so I love to do my consultations with my clients and I asked them purposely well , what's the color Never ever wear , what's the design ? You would never , ever wear ? And I purposely create something and a show of hey , look , let's try this . And a lot of them looking at me like I'm crazy .
Speaker 1But if you're coming to me , that means you want to update , you want to , you know , kind of step outside of comfort zone . And so that trend with athleisure it's not as popular with women of a certain size , because that's kind of been our vibe for a long time . I mean , I got family members , that's all they wear . But they wear that because and they're , unfortunately , I'm a woman to eat in the fleet . It expands like this . And so that trend though it's definitely still here , and if I were to really capitalize on it , mine probably would not look like the fleece that everybody is , you know , or either the athleisure type of vibe , and that's only because I want it to be something that's just different , something that's just different . But that is definitely where everybody kind of still in that , you know , work from home outfits .
Speaker 2Yeah yeah .
Speaker 2And I think some . In some ways it really has caused people to compromise even more . So share with the viewer , the listener who wants to do some things different . Share with them the importance of not showing up in the bond , of not showing up with all of the cleavage out and not showing up with the pajama pants on in places where those things are not acceptable to wear . Let's talk a little bit about that , because I know it's important for us to show up , but how we show up is important . Whether we like it or not . There are stereotypes that are associated with how we show up , and we already have to fight for so much , right , we already have to fight for so much . Let's not create another something that we have to fight about . So talk a little bit about that . What message would you share with viewers and listeners about how you show up and what not to wear when you show up ?
Speaker 1Right , right . Well , I always ask what's the motivation behind going in the store with a bonded on , with slides on or another perspective with shorts that are so high that you can't tell if they're your underwear or they're the actual shorts . What is your motivation ? Now ? I look at so much and it's so offensive . And it's offensive because I look at Rosa Parks' generation , harriet Tubman's generation .
Speaker 1I look at when we had so little , but we still had pride in the way that we presented ourselves . I don't care if that was the maid her shirt was tucked in , it was clean and it might have been the shirt that she just washed out , maybe washing every day to wear . Even the movies like the Help I look at . I don't generate or navigate I'm sorry to those type movies . I really don't . I'm not a fan of those type movies , but what I had done was I look at the imagery that even back then , there was pride , there was dignity in how we stepped out in the street .
Speaker 1You already stepping out there as a black woman , you already stepping out there and so many people don't even want you to step in general , but you're already coming onto a scene already being looked at , already being classified stereotype . You're already being minimized , you're being all these things . Why then would you play into that ? Why then ? Yes , you have the freedom to be and to go and to do all of those things , but what is the motivation behind proving them right ? What is the motivation behind going in a store and your half dressed and God forbid if you walk in with your son . God forbid if you walk in with your daughter and then somebody approaches you and they call you out of what you're depicting and then it turns into something .
Speaker 1What's the motivation behind having your breasts out ? What is the motivation behind having something so tight ? You can see the veins going through your skin . What is the motivation behind it ? Because everything comes from somewhere . If it's a self-esteem issue , ok , that might be your motivation . It is to be seen . That's your motivation . If you go in there to pick something up other than eggs , that's your motivation . But what does it come from ? And then I look at OK , that is your motivation to be seen .
Expectations and Representation in Black Community
Speaker 1Where is it in your life that you're invisible , that you got to show up this way ? What's the deficit ? That now you're compensating for this Because everything is connected to something . Everything is connected to something , I would tell you all the time . So what's the driving force behind it ? What is it ? Ok , so now ? Ok , now , what's the driving force behind it ? Everything is connected one to the other , and so it's offensive when I see the bunnets . It's offensive when I see the not slides , but the bedroom shoes with the big animal , and then it's all dingy .
Speaker 1I'm offended when you're in public and your hygiene ain't right . I'm offended by all of those things . I really am because at this point , whether you shopping from a thrift store , whether you shopping from whatever you're shopping from , when you want to put yourself together , you put yourself together . You put yourself together Because I've never seen people taking their body selfies on there and you looking a mess . You ain't taking those selfies with no bunnies , so you take that picture and you'll call . You put yourself together . If you got a hot date with somebody , you do all the little joining the school , you're hiding in there , you're just hanging out . Then you run it . They giving that late . So I don't know how they speak .
Speaker 1Self-esteem ? I definitely think so , but then I also think that I think it speaks to more so than anything else I don't care type of vibe , and it's so strong , it's like barely enough is enough . I'm gonna have do it . I'm grown , I'm so sick of that expression . I do what I want to do . You don't tell me what to do . All of these things , all of these things . And then we be super duper black all up everywhere and we really real black Juneteenth . But we are a disservice to our nation's race , to our community , when we walk around here acting like we don't have the training that we have . And I say to our nation because we feel the foolishness yeah , it's a lot of systematic stuff , it is . It really and truly is a lot of systematic things that we have no control over racism , we have no control over .
Speaker 1What about what we're doing to each other ? Ladies , you so quick to talk down at this . You didn't realize she fighting the fight . And if you just lend her your hand , if you take a minute to get to know her , y'all might be fighting some of the same issues . No , but we so hard on each other , until .
Speaker 1This is how it turns out . This is how we show up , this is how we show up and I believe all of it is connected and I think it's a fair state of affairs that we talk about it when it's convenient but nobody's doing anything about it . Nobody's doing anything about it and it's nothing wrong with wearing your cultural hair styles and ethnic looks . But if you're natural , calm your hair Period point blank . That's how I feel about that . If you're wearing your natural hair , that doesn't mean that you don't pick it , but shouldn't have linen , it shouldn't be young . So I'm saying to see we get on this natural bandwagon and we think we get a pass . Sir and Madam , it's great that you have your locks , that's amazing . But if they smell , if they're not maintained , what heritage are you really honoring ? You look back in the day and even after the kings and queens of Africa , baby , that corn rolls was corn rolls and it wasn't glistened .
Speaker 1And then people didn't have salons they was going to . They did it themselves . It was community , so you can't even put it up on yeah well , no , no , they took pride . We come from royal lineage . We were not . Our highest of heights was not slaves . That wasn't our highest of heights . That wasn't . We literally are the genealogy factual kings and queens Period . That's just what it is .
Speaker 2And so you mean to tell me , that's how you showing up for King Obu Baba .
Speaker 1I might be saying name wrong , but that's how you're going to represent that . I don't like it . I don't like it . I'm not okay with it . And we quit the same week , queens and kings , but then we walk around and looking like poppers . I don't like it . I don't know when it's going to change . Unfortunately , I don't think it's going to change because it's now the the norm to look a man , it's the norm to look a mess .
Speaker 1They even make baby bunny . So you got your big bunny on , she got her little bunny on and y'all bonneting up and you got the big old lashes . And style is how you like your style . Fashion is subjected to who you are , but with certain styles and certain fashions it's an attachment . If your pants are hanging down , I don't care if that's the style , I don't care if that's the norm . That's not possible . It doesn't depict you in a light . You cannot go in anybody's bank , anybody institution , and be taken seriously If you look the way that you look and you're allowed to say that's why I'm going business for myself , even those entrepreneurs , you still got to be able to go in that meeting and form that partnership . That's just how that goes . And you shouldn't just have a suit when you got to send before a judge . I feel about that .
Speaker 2Yes , I love that because I think it's important for us to really . There are things we know we needed to change from the past , but that was not one of them . We still need to show up clean , well groomed , right . We still need to take pride in the way that we look . That's not something that we ought to attribute to racism . Oh , oh , you know , the white man wants us to show up this way or whatever , and I'm just . I'm just not going to do what they want me to do . No , we take pride in ourselves and we want to show up as our best self .
Speaker 2Yeah folks did not die and get sprayed by waterhole and hang from trees and cities burned down and people stolen from their homeland , because we didn't come here and they captured us . We were not slaves , we came here . They made us slaves , exactly .
Speaker 1We stopped from free .
Speaker 2Listen , we were beautiful people , right Royalty , Rightful right , and so we ought to really look into where we come from in order to chart a course for better than where we are right now , and I think that sometimes people get stuck in this phase of hopelessness Because anybody who is willing to spend their lives on portraying an image that actually is degrading to them portraying portraying an image that makes others think less of you and your capabilities every day of your life . There's a problem with that .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2And I , you know I'm not saying that the people are bad , but that is not a good way . That is not the way that we show up for ourselves , that's not the way that we move forward . That's a way that we actually resolve to stay the same place we are and make sure that things don't improve and get better for us . Yeah , yeah , and so , yeah , I , you know I didn't want to make it a soapbox issue , but it definitely needed to be said , yeah , especially as we spend so much time . You know you see the memes and I love it . You know we all love a good meme . Yeah , it's February 1 . I'm always black , but this month I'm black and black , black , right right right , right right .
Speaker 2Show up in a way that exemplifies the best of what that means . Show up and don't conform to the negative stereotypes . That does not give you power . That actually helps you to align with the enemy's purpose for your life . Come on , come on , and I think we need to remember that overall .
Speaker 2I think , whether it is in matters of how we show up for interviews or even expressions of our own individuality and sexuality , we want to be known as women who secure the bad . We want to be known as women who show up for ourselves . Don't align yourself with somebody else's stereotype of who you are , and black women are always the first to be over sexualized , oh yeah . And so don't comply with what they say about us and the negative stereotypes and then expect for , expect for you to be taken seriously and expect for you to be elevated as a woman of dignity and strength , and so I think those are things that we have to remember and they are so important , and sometimes we don't talk about those things .
Speaker 2And we've made it in today's culture . We've made it and it's right to do whatever it is that you feel like you want to do that makes you money . It's like , no , at some point we've got to uphold the standard and raise the standard Right . So I love that . You , that you spoke about that and I knew you would . That's why I asked you . So leave us with a message of hope that you conveyed through your designs , that you conveyed through your conversations with women , with young people . Anybody really leave us with a message of hope to impact our lives today and every day .
Speaker 1Well , I would first say I mean and it's , it's not cliche , but a lot of times it gets that rap to find on self be true , because at the end of the day , the beginning of the day , if you don't like yourself , it's really going to show up in pretty much every area that you are attached to eventually , because you know we are some masters of the skies and so . But it gets tiring trying to be somebody other than you . It really does , it really does . And so I tell people all the time you are the best representation of you , and it's not just today , it's whatever moment you're in . So capitalize on that and that's going to help you with conflict resolution and the best version of you to show up for that . If you wanted to be where you him and finding this and that , then that's the birth , that's what you chose to be the best version of you . But on it , on who you are , every single day you wake up every day . Every single day you got to look in that mirror and tell yourself that you are enough . Tell yourself that whatever room you enter into , you're going to go in as yourself . You're going to be there enough . Period , point blank .
Speaker 1Whatever the situation is , whatever path that's before you , nobody is going to be able to do it like do it because you're the one designed to do it . Even if you give them the complete playbook , they still can't do it the way you do it . So don't get distracted by people that are in the same industry as you . Distracted by people that may look just like you or have the similarities of you does not matter . You can give them the entire playbook .
Speaker 1What is for you is for you . Nobody can execute the way that you have to execute it . Born to execute it . So never , ever , blend in and be okay with who you are . It's a process . It's a process , but the more you fall in love and the same intensity that you put into pursuing your business , pursuing your children , in terms of being the best parent you can possibly be , you need to take that same energy . Like they say , use that same energy , take that same energy and apply it to you . You can't be the version of anything for anybody if you're not working on your version of you . That's all I got .
Speaker 2Listen , today we have had great conversation . We talked about everything from fashion to faith . We talked about who we are at our core and what we are becoming . So thank you so much for being our guest today and for telling the truth , because I knew if anybody was going to tell it , it was going to be you .
Speaker 1Listen , thank you .
Speaker 2Big and we are continuing to look for amazing things .
Speaker 1Amen , amen , thank you so , so , so very much
Gratitude and Appreciation for Ongoing Connection
Speaker 1for this opportunity . Whenever we link up , it's always a good time and it's always an opportunity to learn , grow and develop . You know what I mean . So it's always confirming , it's always chicken soup fun .
Speaker 2So this is all those things .
Speaker 1It's never . We've never wasted each other's time and I appreciate it , and so thank you for the opportunity and I'm always available whatever you need me to , and I know the same sentiment refers to you . And so , yeah , kudos to you and staying on your ground and there to be Leticia baby , because they moved one . Number one baby .
Speaker 2Thank you , thank you , thank you and thank you everyone for showing up , for listening , for watching and remember dare to be the you that God created to be , and I'll see you next time .