DARING 2 B U
DARING 2 B U
SHIFTING MINDSETS ABOUT GRIEF with Dr. Latisha Reeves Henry & Petra Gordon
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Daring2B was born from the depths of a tumultuous past marred by domestic violence and addiction; I've emerged to speak on the transformative impact of one person willing to make a difference in a life once in disarray. I am Dr. Latisha Reeves Henry.
Alongside the wisdom of Petra Gordon, a renowned coach specializing in grief navigation, we explore the complexities of sorrow and the path to healing—especially poignant during the festive yet often emotionally charged holiday season. Our candid discussions delve into not only my own metamorphosis but also the shared human experiences of loss and the potent necessity of community, mentorship, and embracing our innate purpose.
Our dialogue traverses the landscapes of grief, recognizing its many faces—from the sharp pangs of loneliness to the quieter moments of reflection and growth. As we dissect the various challenges of grieving, we underscore the importance of patience and the cultivation of safe spaces for expression. Petra lends her insights into the importance of a healthy process for healing, offering resources and support through grief counseling and social media engagement. For anyone seeking solace or understanding in the throes of loss, or simply aiming to support others, this episode promises to be a beacon of hope and empowerment.
Daring to Be
Speaker 1Hello and welcome to Daring to Be . You may be thinking what is Daring to Be ? Daring to Be is a way for me to walk and live out . I believe the vitally ordained purpose for me , and the show helps us to be able to engage , educate , equip and empower others so that they are able to dare to be who God has created them to be , so that they can , in turn , help others to dare to be who God created them to be . It started with the story of a 13-year-old girl who was pregnant , ostracized , condemned , verbally abused , abandoned , rejected , forgotten and being suicidal . She decided that she would commit suicide and at just the right moment , god stepped in by sending intervention . He sent someone else to share the love of God , the heart of Christ , with this 13-year-old , suicidal girl , and that changed her whole entire life One person stepping in to share love , to share compassion and to begin to teach her how to navigate life as a teen mom another way . And that's what started the process . That's what started the process of me daring to be , because I am her and she is me . I was the 13-year-old girl . I was the 13-year-old who didn't have a clue and didn't have a plan . A 13-year-old girl who made a mistake , who made the wrong choice and needed some direction . So for me , daring to be is not just a catchy phrase . It's how I've lived my life , it's how I've learned to show up . And daring to be is a show that helps others understand how impactful their words can be , how impactful their intervention in the life of another can be , how impactful one person can be to change the trajectory of someone's future by simply being willing to help , to come alongside , to point them in another direction , to expose them to other things .
Speaker 1There was so much hurt and so much pain , a past of domestic violence in my household by the time I was in middle school . By the time I got to middle school , I had been to six different schools , changed schools six times because we couldn't live in any one place for a really long time , because my father was an high-venture user and many times we did not have the funds because he would take them and squander them on his addiction and living in the space where domestic violence was present , always being shrouded by fear in my life , living differently , thriving differently . By the grace of God and the help of others , my father was able to get clean from drugs and lived a fruitful life , thriving , learning to love himself again and love his family . By the grace of God and the help of others , I have an amazing mother , amazing relationship with her . God restored that relationship and I have an amazing daughter that did not have to endure all of the things that I had to endure and other things have been birthed as a result Full-time ministry , a bachelor's degree , a master's degree , master of Divinity degree and a doctoral degree in ministry , earned by the grace of God , lots of hard work and the support of an awesome community my home church , family , friends and family who supported me and exposed me to different things Traveling , which has led me to the continent of Africa on four different occasions , to share in ministry , mission work , teaching , preaching , sharing the gospel not just in word but indeed in helping others understand how to share the message of God's love to the work that they do in their lives and in their communities .
Speaker 1And a story that , prayerfully , will outlive me and show for us God's glory . That phenomenal evolution happens when we meet Jesus Christ and recognize that everyone , created in his image , was born to overcome adversity , was born to have a great and lasting impact , was born in God's image To reflect God's glory in the earth through their jobs , in their families , in their households . All of us were designed with purpose in mind . That is the birth of daring to be . That's how I became who I am today and continue to become who God created me to be . That is how I help others through coaching , preaching , teaching , writing , sharing , mentoring to discover and find their life purpose and the ways that they show up in the world To share the gifts and what they've been called to do . And so daring to be is about engaging others , educating others , equipping and empowering others to live the life that God has for them , to live in the divinely ordained purpose that they have . It's been an amazing journey and continues to be an amazing journey , and so my goal is to help others dare to be the you that God created you to be .
Speaker 1And that's what daring to be is all about shifting mindsets , helping to bring about transformation and helping us to share all that God has placed in us and order that others might see his light , to reflect God's glory in our everyday getting up , going to work , doing what we do , lives and as we do , god's glory is reflected in the earth in real and practical ways and we help to shine the light in dark places . Daring to be , come with us as we share of our tools , talents and resources so that others will be able to come to know theirs and share theirs as well . That's daring to be . In a nutshell , we desire to share stories , to share stories that provide information , inspiration and lead to transformation .
Speaker 1It's time for you to dare to be . We are daring to be . Welcome , welcome . Today we are talking about shifting mindsets around grief , and it's important for me to host this topic because this is a time of year where people experience grief and aren't sure how to deal with it , and it can be intensified because it's the holiday season . So we have a special guest today , coach Petra Gordon , who specializes in helping people around this mindset of grief and helping them to do it in healthy way . So welcome to you , petra , welcome .
Speaker 2Well , thank you so much , Dr Leticia . I'm so excited to be here today .
Speaker 1Yeah , so we're gonna get right into it . So tell us a little bit about yourself . Tell us about your passion , work and why you do what you do .
Speaker 2Well , absolutely so . I'm Petra Gordon and I am a grief therapist , a coach and educator . And how I really got into this type of work came through the death of my husband . I was about 38 years old when he died suddenly and unexpectedly , and initially I didn't want anything to do with widows you don't want to do anything with grief but I saw the gap and there was a nudging and , I believe , from the Holy Spirit to serve in this capacity . It became so loud I couldn't ignore it and so I had to respond . I felt compelled to , and so I initially started on this journey to serve widows , and that's my area of expertise and specialization . And as I continued to do deeper work in grief , I realized the grief space needs more people willing to do this work , not just with loss specific to widows , but any type of loss , whether it's death related or non death related . And so I've gone on the journey to broaden my actual practice as a therapist to include all different types of losses . But it was really birth out of the loss of my husband .
Speaker 1Oh , wow , wow . Man , there's nothing like someone who enters into a space with the experiential understanding it creates a greater sense of compassion and ability to connect . So how do you approach the topic of grief and the process of healing ?
Speaker 2Right , and so one of the things that I have discovered , both in my personal journey and professional journey , is that there is no stages of grief , there is no linear path , that this is the five steps that you need to take to heal and to go through grief .
Speaker 2Though grief is universal , my belief is that it's personal , it's unique . We will all experience it differently . It will manifest itself differently for each of us , and what's helpful to me in my healing journey may not be the same for you , and so when I speak to people about healing and grief , it's really around helping them to explore different things , that they can try and see what resonates most with that person as you're navigating their journey . But I never keep it in a one size fits all and give these absolute statements about do this and it will absolutely be the thing it's like . No , let's explore this and let's learn and evolve in your own grief journey and what your grief journey looks like and what is best suited for you on your healing journey . So it's really coming on a relationship , side by side , working with those that are reading and really allowing them to take the lead and what feels right for them , versus me trying to tell people what they should do to heal and what their peace should look like .
Speaker 1Oh , wow . I'm so glad you said that Because many times , especially coming after the pandemic and COVID , many people experiencing so much grief that was multiplied even I know I lost four family members in 22 days at the height of the pandemic .
Challenges of Grief and Healing
Speaker 1And so what are some of the biggest challenges that individuals can face maybe even some of the symptom when dealing with grief and healing , and what are some ways they can address them ?
Speaker 2So some of the common things that I see and that I've experienced sometimes is that feeling of guilt , regret , shame when we reflect on the relationships and things that they wish they said , or maybe they feel maybe if I've done something differently , and sometimes is that guilt and regret that they walk away with . There's that feeling of loneliness and isolation . Even when you have a supportive network , people are not really able to journey in with you deeply because it's impossible for them to fully understand what you're experiencing in terms of the magnitude of that loss , and so it can feel very lonely . It can feel as though no one really understands what you're going through . Sometimes the grief can be trapped in your body . People have physical ailments that they feel the grief tension in different parts of their body . Sometimes it impacts in terms of their clarity , sometimes they have a fogginess in their mind , sometimes there's more fatigue , sometimes there's experiences of anxiety and depression , and so different things might arise out of grief , and so what I encourage people to do is not try to avoid or resist the feelings and resist going through it .
Speaker 2Part of healing is allowing yourself to move through the grief , not trying to rush through it , because it's a journey , and I am of the belief that grief does not end . So we are always carrying the grief , but we are growing around it and we're continuing to evolve and continue to live and grow while carrying this grief . The unique difference is that we're not allowing it to dominate our lives , which , when you're not aware of how to move through it , sometimes the pain and the different things that come out of that grief can start to feel bigger than life and dominate you so that it starts to impact on your functioning . And so it's really helping people to work through and move through that grief so that you can start to function again and start to live again and allow your life to not stop . But you take those steps forward whilst carrying the grief because eventually our hope is that it will go , moving from grieving and pain and moving to grieving more in love , that when you reflect on that person , what's there is less pain and more love .
Speaker 1Wow , well , that was very powerful . I think having an individualized plan is something that may be foreign to people when it comes to grief , because we're told to do x , y , z , do this , this and this and you should be over it . There are some examples of healthy ways that people can work through grieving , especially during this holiday season , that looks and feels different for people after loss . What are some of the things that they may be able to do that could be helpful in this season ?
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 2I think what's helpful is for people to be in safe spaces where their grief can be seen or can be witnessed without judgment and without criticism , to feel the emotional safety to be able to share about your person that has died or the loss that you've experienced , and not have people roll their eyes , or are you still bothered by that ?
Speaker 2Haven't you gone over that by now ? It's been six months , it's been a year , it's been two years , and so what's helpful is for those grieving to be in spaces where people can just be present , to sit with them , to listen to them , to not give un-solicited advice that's oftentimes not helpful and unintentionally can cause harm . And so it's really that person's ability to share , to talk about it , to allow themselves to have the emotions , whether that's through tears , whether that's through talking it out and finding different ways that resonate with them to process their feelings . Some people love to write , some people love nature , some people like to dance , because it's moving their body , Finding what that thing is to help you to continue to move through the grave so that you don't get stuck in it .
Speaker 1Okay , okay , those sound like things that it's important to make sure that you have that safe space to be able to do those things and to be able to have the freedom to allow ourselves to do those things . I like those . So what are some tools and resources that you , as a grief , therapist and coach , offer ? What are some things that people may be able to contact you and be able to utilize or gain from you ? What do you recommend to further support them through the healthy process of grieving and healing ? What are some tools and resources you offer ?
Speaker 2So right now , my practice I'm licensed to practice in Ontario , canada , so for those experiencing different losses , whether that's death related or non-death related , I do offer grief counseling in my therapeutic practice .
Speaker 2For those that are widows , I do have an email community for widows and I have a newsletter where I message and send them content on a weekly basis . I provide free training as well For the general losses . 2024 is where I'm going to be creating my video podcast and YouTube channel where I'll be speaking to different losses and having that conversation around different tools and different resources and different perspectives and mindsets around grief . So that would be my platform that I would use to really serve the grief community and those grieving , to start having more conversations to normalize grief , because I really feel that as a society we have not been well informed or educated around grief and oftentimes walk around with grief unaddressed which trickles into our lives and impacts on our healing . So I will be having more conversations about just any type of loss and how to navigate it , using the platform of YouTube and podcasting in the new year .
Speaker 1Oh , that's great . So how can people contact you now ? Maybe social media handle or ways that they can , just just to be able to gain some insight from the process of how to grieve in a healthy way .
Speaker 2Absolutely so . I'm on Instagram and anyone can follow me . It's Petra ignites . So again , it's Petra ignites and it's one word . And I'm also on Facebook , so it's Petra Gordon ignites , and I post content there , in that , in my pages right now will have a mix of things specific to widows , just things specific to grief and the whole perspective and mindset around it , because I feel like you haven't done a great job as a whole , as society , when it comes to grief and loss , and so they're welcome to find me on those two platforms .
Speaker 1Well , thank you for answering some questions for us today , just sharing with us because it's particularly important in this season . I know a lot of people who are grieving because life looks different after loss , whether that be the death of a family member or loved one , or loss of a job or just loss of normalcy . I know being the caregiver of an aging parent that brings about some grief in not being able to do the things that you used to be able to do . So there are many ways that we can grieve . So thank you so much for sharing with us and helping us to understand . It may not be a physical death . It could be the loss of something else that was important and dear to us , because grief just simply means it was something or someone that we loved or were deeply connected
Understanding and Coping With Grief
Speaker 1to . So we want to make sure that you understand that grief is a natural part of life . It's natural to grieve . It doesn't make you less spiritual . It doesn't mean you don't have faith . It doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you .
Speaker 1If you are having trouble , if you're struggling with grief , make sure that you're able to find a safe space , safe people to share with . Make sure that you create those healthy habits that Petra spoke about during the episode journaling , sometimes dancing , sometimes singing , weeping whatever it takes that is healthy to get through the process of grieving . According to each individual , it's okay to do that , and so we wish that , even in this season , that you will be able to enjoy the holiday season . Maybe it's with memories , maybe looking at photos and discussing memories with family members or friends who are willing to come alongside you in the grieving process , because the shifting mindset around grief is important for us to have safe spaces and opportunities to heal and deal with our grief in healthy ways . Thank you for sharing with us , thank you for your expertise , and will you promise to come back and share with us once you have those resources in place in 2024 ?
Speaker 2Absolutely . I love talking about grief , I love educating others about it . Having these conversations , I absolutely would come back and share more for sure .
Speaker 1Alright , thank you so much for being with us today .